Calypso
by Brogue
Summary: An abandoned Ancient outpost threatens the survival of Atlantis' premiere team. Set somewhere in Season 1 before the Siege so maybe some minor spoilers for anything up to then.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for SlayersGrl for letting me borrow her story Ghosts as a kind of prequel to this and to pennydreadful for the beta.

Part 1 – The Chair

It had taken two hours to track down the energy signatures. McKay had been so excited about them he had talked incessantly for the first hour.

_"It could be a ZedPM, I'm telling you!"_

They were on foot since whoever had lived on the planet had placed obelisks strategically in-front of the gate making travel by Jumper (and Wraith dart) impossible. The planet was hot, dusty and desolate. The wind was relentless and howled around them driving sand and grit into any exposed area - eyes, nostrils and ears. As a result everyone was tired and nerves were frayed.

McKay's excitement had peaked when the readings had been traced to a ruined Ancient Outpost. It had taken them an hour and lots of swearing to convince the Ancient technology to let them in and now McKay had been trying to get the main power back on line for four hours straight. He was making little progress.

Teyla and Ford were keeping watch outside the building although the dry, dusty planet seemed entirely void of sentient life. Life itself, was regrettably not absent, and was in fact abundant in the form of small biting ant-like insects.

Sheppard was frustrated and short tempered as he was on guard-the-geek duty (Ford should NEVER be allowed to name things, EVER) and was bored of watching McKay work. He wanted to take out his bad temper on someone and since his favourite target was close at hand he had just the outlet he needed.

"Remind me, McKay, just what are we doing here?" he asked in an insolent drawl. 

McKay ignored him and remained focussed on the control chair in the middle of the room, muttering softly to himself as he worked. Ford and Teyla, who were standing just outside the door of the facility, exchanged an amused look knowing what was coming next.

"McKay, are you listening to me?"

There was still no reaction, so Sheppard bent down picked up a small stone from the floor and flicked it so that it pinged into McKay's backside as he bent over the panel near the floor. McKay's scowl deepened but aside from that he gave no sign of having noticed. More stones followed until there was a scattering of gravel lying around the base of the chair.

"Stop ignoring me, McKay." He scuffed in the dirt to find another projectile of the right size. "I'm warning you," he continued, "there aren't many of these little pebbles left. I'm going to have to upgrade to rocks soon."

With an exaggerated sigh McKay straightened up from the panel he was examining and stood there, legs akimbo, arms folded aggressively across his chest.

"Why do you have to keep on bugging me?" he demanded. "I'm trying to do my job without having to stop every three minutes to answer the same question that you have already asked me half a dozen times. It's not my fault that you have the attention span of a mosquito so why don't you grow up, put yourself out of your misery and work out the answer for yourself?"

"We're here to find out about Ancient technology and to see if we can find a ZedPM," Sheppard parroted as if by rote.

"And that is what we are doing, now please desist from your childish antics and let me work," McKay snapped and then turned back to chair.

"But we found this place hours ago, McKay and you're still not letting me play with it!" Sheppard's eyes had lit up at the sight of the control chair sitting in the ruined Outpost and he was itching to sit down, fire it up and see what it could do. He loved the feeling that the control chairs gave him and he couldn't wait to experience it again.

McKay gave another aggravated sigh and said through gritted teeth, "You are not playing with this one until I've figured out what the problem with it is."

"But how much longer are you going to be?" whined Sheppard in the tone he knew would yank McKay's chain and flicked another pebble against McKay's backside.

"Right, that is enough, Sheppard!" exploded McKay. "How exactly does throwing stones around delicate Ancient Technology help us? Please enlighten me as to how annoying the smart one who is trying to figure this out is helping here? Hm? Oh, I forgot, it's not. It's just letting your inner four old out." McKay was getting ratty and a full on rant wouldn't be far off if Sheppard kept this up.

"Why won't you let me sit on it to see if I can turn it on?" Sheppard was pointing towards the control chair in the middle of the room.

McKay sent the bucket down the well of patience again and came up with the last dregs that were left before he completely lost his rag. "I won't let you sit on it, because I don't understand what is causing the fluctuations in power that I am picking up. I also can't figure out a way to interface with it yet. It is dangerous to just leap into Ancient Technology without knowing the implications," he said in a dangerously calm voice.

"Come on, why don't you let me try? It looks just like the one in Antarctica and the one in Atlantis. You're just being a spoil sport." Sheppard tried to give him his winning smile forgetting that he had  
a) tried it too often with McKay in the past and it had never worked anyway  
and   
b) a fine coating of plaster dust on his face, beads of sweat on his forehead and insect bites along his cheek which reduced his charm somewhat.

"Major, there is a big difference between this chair and the one in Atlantis which is essentially the same as the one in Antarctica. This chair is interfaced with a computer system, that I have never seen the like of before. They are interfaced with one another in a way that is completely unfamiliar to me. There are some strange power fluctuations going on and, as I think I may have said around one thousand times before, I can't interface with either the chair or the computer system. If you sit on the chair, you're on your own! Now, will you please let me get back to my work?"

With the air of those whose suffering is long and unjust, McKay bent back down to resume his study of the chair control panel.

Sheppard knew he was being childish but he couldn't help himself. Scuffing his foot on the floor roughly he asked, "So what's the problem with the interface, can't find the USB port, McKay? You know you could try turning it off and then turning it back on again, it always works for me if I lose a network connection."

A snort of suppressed laughter came from Ford at McKay's snarl of frustration. He turned to see the scientist in full freak out mode making flapping motions and hissing noises at the Major.

"Go away, go away, go away! Stop distracting me you aggravating, over grown, child! No, you cannot sit on the CHAIR!" Turning back to the control panel he muttered to himself, "Christ on a bike, Dr Who never has this problem with his side-kicks….."

"Who's the side kick around here?" said Sheppard which earned him a look of loathing from McKay. "Come on, McKay, you've been poking around with it for hours now and I'm getting hungry. Perhaps we can send a team here another day to tinker with it? Wouldn't you like to go home now, McKay?"

"No, it might be powered by a ZedPM and in case you hadn't realised it with a fleet of Wraith hive ships on the way, we could really do with one."

Even in his foul mood Sheppard recognised the sense in that statement. There was silence for another half an hour.

Jeez, thought Sheppard, it's getting hot in here. He watched McKay whose face was flushed from the heat and dirty from all the dust and rubble that was lying around. He couldn't hold in his temper or remain silent any longer.

"Look, McKay, I think we're wasting our time here. Why don't you just let me sit on the damn thing, power it up, then you can see if there is a ZedPM anywhere in this complex, if there is, you can grab it, and we can go home and have the rest of the day off."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Why are you saying so?"

"Because, as I have been trying to tell you, if these power fluctuations are what I think they might be there is a fine chance that if you sit on this chair you will become interfaced with it and I might not be able to find the off switch. OK?" McKay snapped back.

McKay looked around and saw the mulish expression on Sheppard's face and he flipped, "Right, let me put this in simple bang-bang-what-can-I-blow-up-now military terms, if you sit in chair head might fry. Got it? Or maybe you already did and that explains the hair…." He spun around and went back to his meticulous examination of the chair.

Sheppard scowled and sauntered over to the door where Teyla and Ford stood. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, dug out his aviator glasses and put them on. He was mad at McKay, mad at himself for being a child and mad at this damn hell hole of a dust bowl planet.

"Doesn't look like we'll be back in time to watch the game now, does it, Sir," quipped Ford cheerily as Sheppard approached.

Sheppard's scowl deepened. Being mad at Ford was now added to his list. "So Lieutenant, when are you planning to finish the munitions inventory I asked you to do last week? I think I'd like the report tomorrow morning around 10.00 hours." Fixing Ford with a sour look he walked away.

Ford's face fell as his plans for the evening were blown out of the water. He was surprised at Sheppard and didn't think it was like him to react like this to a bit of friendly teasing from his team.

Teyla's concerned slight frown suggested that she concurred, eventually she asked, "Tell me, Aidan. Why is it that Major Sheppard is so eager to return to Atlantis for this game? It is the recording that he has seen many times before is it not? This mission, although not particularly enjoyable, is not that different from many others we have been on and he has not reacted so on those occasions."

Ford shrugged his shoulders expressively before answering, "Certainly is the game he has seen thousands of time before, but maybe the difference is that this time Zelenka's supplying beer and the cooks are cracking out the last of the popcorn." He didn't look convinced.

"Ah," Teyla did not look convinced either and turned to look at Sheppard who was now moodily kicking the walls of the ruined Outpost.

She was about to speak again when an irate McKay stamped out of the ruins and yelled, "Sheppard! I would appreciate it if you could desist from kicking the walls of the unstable, ten thousand year old structure. You're bringing down dust and I am particularly susceptible to allergies and don't want to have an asthma attack OK? I also really don't want this coming down on top of my head. Capisch?" Sarcasm was dripping off him.

Sheppard scowled and sat down on the ground, leaning back on the wall with exaggerated care and, shifting his P-90 into a more comfortable position across his lap, he settled back to try and sleep away the time in the sun and to forget what the date was today.

He had passed an hour in a lazy daze whilst Ford and Teyla kept watch, a privilege of rank he told himself, to lessen the guilt, when he was disturbed by McKay shouting for him.

"Sheppard! Sheppard! Get your lazy military ass in here!" McKay's voice was strident at the best of times but when it dragged him away from a particularly satisfying day dream involving souped up jumpers versus a MIG then it was particularly bad. The only consolation was that if McKay wanted him, he probably wanted him to sit in the chair.

He scrambled to his feet and stomped (there was no other word for it) back over to the Outpost where he shouldered his way past Teyla and Ford without saying a word. They'd been on this damn dust bowl of a planet for eight hours now and he hoped to hell that McKay was going to make it worthwhile.

Sheppard snatched off his glasses as he entered the room and squinted as his eyes adjusted to the dim light inside. He could see McKay looking cross, tired and terminally grumpy next to the chair which now had a plethora of cables vomiting out of its innards.

"Gonna let me play now?" he asked plaintively.

McKay just pursed his lips tighter together and snorted. "No," he said shortly. "I can't get it to work, we're going home."

"What?" Sheppard's voice cracked with a combination of stress, anger and disappointment. "But you always fix things!"

"Well as you all so eloquently reminded me, I am not superman," said McKay through clenched teeth. "I have no doubt that I can fix it but I can't do it yet. I need some stuff from my lab and then we'll head back again as soon as we can. There is something here. I just don't know what yet."

Biting his lip to keep his foul temper in check, Sheppard turned and said, "OK, Ford, Teyla, we're moving out. McKay can't fix this thing so we're heading home. We've got another four hours of day light on this dust bowl, it's a two hours trek to the gate so we'd better start moving before it turns midnight and McKay turns into a pumpkin." He knew his comments were unfair but his bad mood needed an outlet.

"Oh for Christ's sake," hissed McKay as he finished packing up his stuff. "I can't do everything."

Sheppard relented for a moment. He could see McKay was just as tired as he was. He'd been working non-stop whilst Sheppard had been sunning himself and it was clear that he was bitterly disappointed to be going home empty handed. He reached out and slapped McKay on the shoulder. "Sorry, buddy, in a bit of a bad mood today" he muttered by way of apology and walked off towards the chair before McKay's astonished eyes could meet his own.

Trying to hit a more non-confrontational tone he asked, "Going to leave all this stuff here?" and reached out to touch an array of crystals that McKay had connected up to the panel in the base of the control chair.

As his hands brushed the crystals he felt a jolt of power entering his finger tips and heard McKay shouting urgently, "Don't touch that!" He snatched back his hand guiltily and then jumped at the sound of weapons fire from outside the Outpost.

Ignoring McKay's baffled look as he turned his head from the crystals to Sheppard and then back again, Sheppard barked, "Ford, Teyla, report," into his radio. He headed swiftly for the door taking up a cautious position and peering out to try to spot Teyla and Ford. He could see them crouched behind boulders near the top of one of the gullies on the far side of the clearing around the Outpost.

"Unfriendlies coming up the hill towards us, Major," came Ford's reply. "They've opened fire with some kind of energy weapon. There's at least twenty of them."

"Damn," cursed Sheppard as he took the safety off his P-90.

"Um, Major?" asked McKay.

"What?" replied Sheppard, really not wanting any distractions at the moment whilst he planned their escape.

"Um, you should be dead. You just touched an open power conduit. Why aren't you dead?" asked McKay.

"I don't know! Maybe if we wait here long enough then I will be dead and then the question becomes kind of academic doesn't it? Look - we are in trouble and we need to get out of here fast. Take only what you need and what you can't leave behind and run. Follow me and stick close." Waking up to the sound of weapons fire, McKay gave one last puzzled look at the crystal array and hastily scrambled to do as the Major said.

They made their way in painstaking stages back towards the stargate. Sheppard would run ahead, lay down covering fire whilst Teyla or Ford would run up to his position with McKay and then whoever was keeping their six would retreat and the whole manoeuvre would start again. How they were managing to keep their pursuers at bay Sheppard had no idea – they were out numbered and out gunned and were quickly draining their reserves of energy and ammunition.

They had been on their way for three hours now and dusk was beginning to fall. It was as Ford was retreating to their position that he was hit full in stomach and went down screaming, clutching his stomach with both arms. Teyla ran out as Sheppard laid down covering fire to drag him up to their position. 

Just as they were nearly under cover Teyla was hit in her right arm. She fell, gasping with pain, to the floor, just to get up again and resume dragging Ford, this time one handed, to their position of shelter. Ford's breath was coming in short gasps as he watched the blood well up from the gaping hole in his stomach. Sheppard was grim faced as he ripped open field bandages, trying desperately to stem the flow and to keep Ford's ruined guts from slipping out through the remains of his stomach wall.

Sheppard looked at his team. His fighters were down, he had to do something or else none of them would make it to the stargate. He made the only decision he could have in the circumstances.

"Listen, I'm going to lead them off and then ditch them under cover of darkness. McKay, Teyla, you take Ford back to the stargate and get back. I'll dial in when it's dark. Go!" ordered Sheppard.

It was an illustration of how precarious the situation was that McKay did not even put up a token protest. McKay, white-faced, nodded, moved to Ford's side and hoisted the younger man unsteadily to his feet, Ford's arm over his shoulders. Teyla took her belt and, with Sheppard's help, secured her wounded arm to her side and then moved to support Ford's other side. Together McKay and Teyla began to drag him to the stargate.

The last they saw of Sheppard was a dark figure running agilely down the gully they had just come up firing his P 90 wildly making as much noise as he possibly could.

Ford was in agony. He'd bitten through his lip and was muttering, "Oh my God, I'm gonna die. Grandma, I'm gonna die." Tears were streaming down his face as he fought the urge to scream. McKay gritted his teeth against the coppery stench of Ford's blood that was dripping down his front and concentrated on taking as much of Ford's weight as he could. Teyla tried to offer what comfort she could through teeth clenched against the pain of a compound fracture and the effort of running whilst carrying her share of the deadweight of the young man.

It took them forty minutes to reach the stargate. McKay dialled and radioed Atlantis to warn them they were coming in hot.

"Atlantis control. This is McKay. We need a med team and security in the gate room. We're coming in hot. Sheppard will be following in no less than an hour."

He was repeating his call for a medical team even as Ford lost the last of his self control and started screaming in agony as their rough progress put more pressure on his torn stomach and guts than he could bear. He was screaming into McKay's ear deafening him so he couldn't hear the questions coming in from the Atlantis control tower.

McKay trusted that Atlantis had lowered the shield and he and Teyla ran forward as fast as they could to get Ford through. The cool of the event horizon was stark contrast to the stifling heat of the planet.

"Get Carson's team here RIGHT NOW," screamed McKay as he and Teyla gently lowered Ford down to the ground.

Elizabeth ran to the team as they staggered through the event horizon. She stopped suddenly when she saw their condition and exchanged a perplexed look with Grodin who had been following hot on her heels. With a low moan of pain Teyla sat down heavily on the floor next to Ford and leant over her shattered elbow. She began to keen with the agony of the compounded break. No-one in the control room moved an inch.

"Didn't you hear me Elizabeth, get a med team here, NOW!" ordered McKay as he frantically stuffed field bandages into the gaping hole in Ford's stomach that had his full attention. He hadn't noticed the strange reactions to their return from the control room crew.

The strange immobility was broken as Carson and his medical team ran into the control room at full pelt with gurneys and medical kits at the ready.

"Thank God!" said McKay. "He's taken a belly shot. It's nasty, I can't stop it bleeding and Teyla's been shot in the elbow. I haven't had time to do anything for her but it looks like the joint is shattered." Carson was looking at McKay with an expression of confusion.

"Rodney…" he began to say as he watched McKay pack field bandage after field bandage onto Ford's stomach. He put out his hand to hold McKay's trembling ones as he desperately ripped the wrappings off more bandages.

"What the hell are you doing? What the hell are waiting for, Carson? He's dying!" yelled McKay at him as Ford lay writhing on the floor blood spurting from arteries. "Can't you see he's haemorrhaging?"

Carson slowly shook his head and grabbed McKay's shaking hands in his. "Leave it, Rodney," he ordered.

"What do you mean, Carson? It can't be too late. You can save him," McKay's voice broke with emotion and he stood up, backing away from Carson who was kneeling next to Ford looking at the screaming young man with an expression of deep concern on his face.

Just then the wormhole disengaged and McKay's eyes turned up in his head and he fell as if pole-axed to the floor. Cracking his head sharply on the floor he lay limply besides the figures of Ford and Teyla who had collapsed in the exact same instant.

Carson threw off his stunned inactivity and leapt forward to start work on the unconscious figures.

"Come on, people! Let's get these three down to the Infirmary."

Once the hubbub had died down, Grodin walked slowly to the floor where Ford had lain writhing and screaming in agony. He turned and looked back at Elizabeth who had not moved during the whole commotion.

"I don't understand it, Elizabeth," he said. "There's no blood on the floor and I didn't see any on Ford or any sign of injury at all on either him or Teyla…. Did you?"

Trying to clear the memory of the screaming Ford from her mind, she shook her head. "No," she replied, "I didn't."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for SlayersGrl for letting me borrow her story Ghosts as a kind of prequel to this and to pennydreadful for the beta.

**Part 2 – Waking up from the nightmare**

"Can you hear me?"

Ford groaned slightly as he fumbled his way towards consciousness. His mouth was dry, there was a dull ache behind his eyes and he had a pounding headache. The familiar quiet beeping of monitors informed him he was in the Infirmary.

"Lieutenant Ford? Can you hear me?"

He recognised Beckett's voice and memory flooded back over him - the planet, the attack, the desperate flight back to the gate, being shot, McKay screaming at Beckett to help... God, the pain had been so bad, he must have passed out. At least he couldn't feel a thing beyond the headache and for that he was grateful. His last coherent thought had been that he was going to die without seeing his grandparents again. He gave an involuntary gasp at the thought. The gasp turned into a groan as he remembered how badly he'd been hit. He honestly hadn't expected to wake up and now that he had, well, he knew it would be a long road back to health after a hit like that.

He groaned again and then opened his eyes, blinking as his pupils adjusted to the light. He focussed on Beckett's face, surprised at how quickly he could since, as witnessed by the lack of pain, he was so obviously on the good drugs.

Beckett gave him a cheery smile. "Lieutenant Ford, how are you feeling?"

Ford grimaced, "I've been shot, how do you expect me to feel?" His voice was much stronger than he'd expected it would be.

Beckett smiled a relieved looking smile. "Cheeky wee blighter," he said almost fondly. "Still, good to see you back in the land of living."

Ford scowled. He felt that the situation called for more gravity than this.

"Seriously, Doc, how bad is it? You must have me on the really good stuff, I can't feel a thing apart from a headache." Ford was careful not to move too much, not wanting to reawaken the pain.

"Tell me what you remember, Laddie," said Beckett evading the question.

"What I remember? I remember being shot!" Ford felt a little indignant at the lack of coddling he was receiving.

"Are you sure?" Beckett asked.

"What?" asked Ford incredulously. "Of course I'm sure! Someone shot me in the stomach. I was covering our six and took a hit from some sort of energy weapon." He swallowed against the remembered pain. "Teyla came back for me. She got hit too. Sheppard decided to create a diversion and draw off the unfriendly fire whilst Teyla and McKay got me to the gate. I think I must have passed out when we got back to the gate room. Things are a little fuzzy, you know?"

Beckett leant back, lips pursed in thought as he considered Ford's answer. Ford was now beginning to feel neglected and more than a little worried at Beckett's apparent lack of concern. "Come on, Doc. Tell me how bad it is. I will be able to walk again, won't I?"

Beckett gave a quick nod of his head, smiled and said, "No worries about that, Laddie, you can get up now if you want although you'll probably be a wee bit unsteady on your feet for a while."

Ford gaped at him.

Beckett nodded to emphasise his words. "You're fine, Laddie. Have a look yourself," and with that he leant forward, pulled back the sheet, tugged up Ford's top and patted him on the stomach.

"What? Are you crazy?" Ford flinched expecting an explosion of pain and then, when it didn't come he stared at Beckett in shock. He propped himself up on his elbows to stare unbelievingly at the familiar sight of his washboard midriff. Running his fingers over his stomach he remembered the blood, the smell of burnt flesh and the torn tissue. He began to panic. "H… h… how in hell? What happened, Doc?" he asked. "I… I… I was shot! I can remember it all so clearly. W… w… w… what happened?"

Beckett laid a comforting hand on Ford's shoulder and said quickly, "We don't know what happened, Lad. All we know is that you, Teyla and McKay all appear to have been suffering from some very convincing hallucinations." His tone was matter of fact and to some extent soothed Ford's panic.

"Hallucinations? What, like from drugs?" he asked.

"Aye," replied Beckett, "but not from drugs. Your blood work is clean and none of you have a fever but even if you did that wouldn't account for the group nature of the hallucinations."

"Group hallucinations? We all hallucinated the same thing?" asked Ford.

"As far as we can tell, yes," replied Carson.

"So what's causing it?"

"I don't know. I was hoping that you'd be able to tell me something that could give me a clue."

"Why don't you ask McKay? He'll figure it out. He's always telling us how smart he is."

Beckett gave a wry smile and said, "Unfortunately he's still unconscious. He hit his head when you all passed out in the gate room." Ford noticed the look of guilt that flickered across Beckett's face. "Right, since both you and Teyla are awake and coherent, I think I'd better call Dr Weir down here."

He stepped back and, putting his hand to his earpiece, he said, "Elizabeth, Carson here. You might want to come down to the Infirmary now."

"Yeah," said Ford not really listening. He stuck a finger in his belly button and wiggled it, giggling at the familiar tickling sensation. "Hey, Doc," he called as Carson turned to move away, "where's Teyla?"

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a soft voice spoke from his left. "I'm right here, Aidan," said Teyla.

Ford glanced over to see Teyla sitting on a bed; her left hand was running gently over her right elbow, the one that had been shattered by non-existent weapons fire, in a subconscious movement of reassurance that echoed his own fervent examination of his stomach. She looked subdued and more than a little worried but still she smiled at him, a serene smile intended to calm and to put him at ease. Realising that he still had his finger in his belly button he snatched it away and yanked his top back into place blushing furiously like a small boy caught playing with something he shouldn't …

He was still blushing when Elizabeth walked in accompanied by Peter Grodin.

Elizabeth walked up to their beds and stood for a moment looking at them trying to reconcile her memories of their behaviour in the gate room with what she saw in front of her now. She smiled and said, "Teyla, Ford, it's good to see you awake again. You gave us quite a scare." Then she turned to Beckett and asked, "How's Rodney?"

Beckett nodded towards the screened off bed to the right of Ford. "Rodney is still unconscious. I think that tumble he took in the gate room when he passed out has left him with a concussion." He gave her a weak smile and she felt his guilt for letting Rodney fall. He continued, "I called you down here because Ford and Teyla are awake and there is nothing in what they have told me that explains what happened to them. Initially on waking they were both quite confused and believed the hallucination was real although as soon as they saw the physical evidence they adjusted rapidly."

Elizabeth looked carefully at Teyla and Ford and noted the disquiet and uncertainty on both their faces. She listened as Beckett continued with his report.

"All three of them are mildly dehydrated and have some pretty nasty insect bites. Rodney is quite sunburnt. They are also all showing signs of a neural shock of some sort."

Looking at Teyla and Ford she asked, "Do you remember anything that could account for the hallucinations?"

"As I explained to Dr Beckett, it was a routine mission until the moment the attack started. We had no contact with anyone, in fact we believed the planet to be uninhabited," replied Teyla. "I remember arriving back in Atlantis and then I remember waking up here. I had a headache when I woke up but that has receded and was mild compared to the level of discomfort I felt before."

"And you really believed that you had been shot?" Grodin looked directly at Teyla who met his gaze levelly.

"Yes, Dr Grodin, the hallucinations were most convincing." Again her left hand had crept to her right arm and she was slowly running her fingers along the elbow joint remembering how the bone had shattered and how she had felt it as it protruded through torn skin.

Elizabeth exchanged glances with Grodin and then turned to Ford as if to ask the same question. Ford nodded his assent and added, "I've never felt anything like it ma'am."

She nodded as she remembered Ford's screams and sobs as he lay writhing in agony on the gate room floor. _"I'm dying, Grandma, I'm dying….."_

She opened her mouth to form another question but was interrupted by a groan from behind the screen around McKay's bed. Beckett quickly moved to McKay's side. They heard him ask, "Rodney, can you hear me?" from behind the screen. After a few minutes he emerged again and shook his head. "I think it will be another wee while before Rodney joins us," he said.

"Dr Weir, have we any explanation for what has happened and where is Major Sheppard?" asked Teyla.

Ford felt a momentary surge of guilt that he hadn't asked that question himself.

"Major Sheppard has not returned yet and we don't know what happened although Peter does have a theory," replied Elizabeth.

All eyes turned to Grodin.

"As Dr Weir said, we have a theory but we're really not sure," he said. "Dr Zelenka and I theorised that since you all lost consciousness at the exact moment the wormhole disengaged the facts must be linked so we started to review the gate logs of when you returned and we've uncovered some strange readings – transmissions across the spectrum of radio waves ranging from ultra low to ultra high. We don't really know what they are but we think they're the cause of the hallucinations"

"But how?" asked Ford.

"That's what we don't really understand at the moment but we're working on it," replied Grodin. "Dr Zelenka is going through McKay's equipment with a fine toothed comb, reviewing all the recordings he made on the planet," he continued.

"But what you are telling me is that you have no idea how these hallucinations were caused, how they were initiated and you don't know if we can protect ourselves against them?" asked Elizabeth.

Grodin looked at her and shrugged his shoulders expressively and spread his hands in a gesture of defeat.

"But what about Major Sheppard, Ma'am? When are we sending a team through the gate to retrieve him? If our injuries were faked maybe our attackers were too and we can easily retrieve him." Ford was propped up on his bed eager to go. "I could take a team there. We could be ready to go in half an hour."

"I can't send a team back in there until I understand what has happened."

"But the Major could be in trouble. He needs us."

"I know that, Lieutenant. However, I can't risk sending in another team until we know more about what happened. You are not yet fit for duty and you are staying in the Infirmary until Dr Beckett says otherwise and the planet is under interdiction. Have I made myself clear?" Elizabeth stared pointedly at Ford.

Fuming he nodded and settled back down against the pillow. She held his gaze until he said, "Yes, Ma'am."

Satisfied with his response she turned to Grodin and began issuing fresh orders, "Peter, have Zelenka continue reviewing the logs and Rodney's laptop. Give him all the resources he needs." She turned back to Ford and Teyla again, "Lieutenant Ford, you and Teyla will stay here with Dr Beckett." She then turned to Beckett and said, "Let me know as soon as Rodney wakes up and is fit to work. We need him on this one." Beckett nodded and Elizabeth, accompanied by Grodin, walked swiftly out of the Infirmary. They could still hear her speaking as she walked out of the Infirmary, "Peter, ask Zelenka to meet with me in at 20:00 hours, OK? And get Bates to join us too." Grodin's reply was lost as the door closed softly behind them.

"So, when are you going to clear me for duty, Doc?" asked Ford staring stonily at Beckett, his jaw set mulishly.

Teyla also turned to Beckett and gave him a questioning look. "Indeed, I am most eager to return to duty. I am deeply concerned about Major Sheppard."

Beckett sighed. "I'm going to want you to keep you here for another a couple of hours at least. I'll need to run some more neurological scans and keep on monitoring your vitals for a wee while." He hesitated and then continued, "I'd prefer to keep you here overnight but I understand you'll want to be back on duty as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Dr Beckett," said Teyla.

"So, when are you going to start the scans?" asked Ford.

Beckett looked at the impatient young lieutenant and sighed again. "Give me ten minutes and we can start," he said as he turned away to speak to his staff and get the equipment ready.

Two hours later most of the scans were complete and Ford and Teyla were standing in the Infirmary fully dressed and ready to go.

"So are we signed back on for duty, Doc?" Ford's expression was slightly belligerent as he stood waiting for Beckett's response. Before he could speak however his attention was distracted by a weak voice coming from the screened off bed. McKay had woken up.

"Erm, what happened?" McKay sounded tired and confused. As Beckett stepped around the screen to McKay's bedside to check his vitals he saw his patient propped up on one elbow rubbing his eyes.

He focussed blearily on Beckett and asked again, "What happened?" He winced as he came to the conclusion that he had fainted. "Oh, God, I fainted didn't I? It was all that blood. Oh my God, Ford!" he sat up suddenly then clutched his head as a stabbing pain exploded inside his head. He collapsed back against the pillow. "Ow, ow, ow... Oh my head. I'm dying here. Ow, ow, ow, make it go away."

"Bad headache, eh?" asked Beckett as he reached out to gently move McKay's hands from his face and then examined his pupils with a pen light and checked the dressing on his left temple.

"I think the answer to that question could be classified as a blindingly obvious, yes," replied McKay, "and shining a bright light into my eyes really doesn't help so stop it." He tried to bat Beckett's hands away as the examination continued. Realising his attempt was in vain he stopped resisting and then asked in a low voice, "How are Teyla and Ford? Did Ford make it?"

"I did, thanks for asking," came Ford's familiar voice.

McKay froze and then carefully rolled his head on the pillow to squint at Ford who had stepped around the screen to stand next to McKay's bed. He was grinning cheerfully. McKay looked at Ford and then at Beckett and then back to Ford.

"Did I hit my head when I, er, passed out? Because there is no way you should be sitting there like that..." Memories of Sheppard pushing Ford's ruined guts back through his stomach wall surfaced, the blood dripping to the floor, the smell of it… McKay's stomach roiled and he gagged as he turned on to his side and began to retch.

Ford and Teyla exchanged concerned looks. They'd been counting on McKay to come up with a plan to get them back to the planet so they could find Sheppard. Now it was looking as if he wouldn't be fit for anything except lying in bed for the next few days.

"Nurse," called out Beckett as he lunged forward to help McKay. "You and you get out of the way please." Obediently Ford and Teyla stepped back and let Beckett and his team do their work.

A quarter of hour later McKay was propped up on his bed, an ice pack on his forehead telling Beckett, Ford and Teyla what he remembered of the mission. McKay's voice was weak and tired lacking its usual edge.

"We got to the planet, I found some energy readings and then, after a couple of hours trekking around the desert planet from hell we found an Ancient outpost. A derelict, dangerous, broken down outpost. It must have been abandoned for thousands of years. There was no trace of any human population but the place was filled with insects," he paused to scratch a row of raised bites along his arm, "horrible, biting insects. It took us a good hour to get in and that's when we found the control chair." He paused to drink some water.

"The interfaces were like none I have seen before and there was so much damage that I needed to do a whole load of work arounds to get the thing working at all. I theorised that the chair must have been powered by a ZedPM but the structure was so unstable that it was impossible to follow any of the conduits down to where the power source would be. I tried to interface with it but decided, after trying for several hours, that I needed more equipment. We were just packing up to get back to the gate when Sheppard touched something, I thought it was an open power conduit, but it can't have been since it should have killed him but it didn't. Then the shooting started. We made our way back to the gate under heavy fire, Teyla and Ford were hit, Sheppard went off on a Captain Kirk and we came back here. We got to the gate room and then you all started looking at us as if we were stark raving mad and then I guess I passed out." He closed his eyes against the memories.

"You all did, Rodney," said Beckett.

"What? We all passed out?"

"Yes, Rodney, you did. And as you've seen, neither Ford nor Teyla was injured. You've all been suffering from some form of hallucination."

"Hallucination?" McKay looked at Teyla and Ford who nodded at him. McKay then turned his attention back to Carson, "And you're telling me that none of it was real?"

"We don't know what was real and what wasn't," he replied. "Obviously Teyla and Lieutenant Ford were not shot but from the state of your clothing and equipment you obviously spent a protracted amount of time in the desert-like conditions you describe."

McKay paused and then asked, "So, when did Sheppard get back? Was he in the same state as us? You know, I'd just hate for the humiliation to be limited to us."

"That's the problem, Rodney, he hasn't," answered Beckett.

"What!" exclaimed McKay lifting the ice pack so that he could take a better look at Beckett, Ford and Teyla. "Then why are you all still here in the Infirmary instead of being out there looking for him?"

"We're not cleared for active duty," said Ford throwing Beckett a sour look.

"But you're not concussed are you? Why haven't you been cleared? And how come I have a concussion? Huh? Why aren't they concussed too?" demanded McKay.

Beckett flushed slightly. "When you all passed out Ford was lying on the floor in the gate room, Teyla was sitting down and you were standing. When you fell you hit your head."

"But I was standing right next to you! You mean you let me fall? This is your fault? I thought you were supposed to fix people not break them!"

Teyla interrupted what was promising to be a major McKay melt down. "Dr Weir has placed the planet under interdiction. I believe that she is meeting with Dr Zelenka and Dr Grodin and Sergeant Bates now to decide upon the best course of action."

"You mean they are meeting without me? How can they possibly expect to clear this up without me?" McKay was offended.

"Dr Zelenka has been reviewing the data logs and has a theory about what has happened. He has also been reviewing the data on your laptop that you recorded on the planet," said Beckett.

"You've let Zelenka have my lap top!" McKay was outraged. "You can't do that! It's mine… It has all my papers on it, all my research notes…"

"Rodney," warned Beckett. "He needs it to review the data."

"Here, help me up. I need to be at that meeting." McKay demanded dropping the ice pack to the floor and pushing himself slowly upright. "Get me some clothes," he ordered and started picking at the IV lead in the back of his hand.

"Rodney, you're not going anywhere," Beckett pushed him back down onto the bed.

"Yes I am, Carson. Even concussed I'm smarter than anyone else in this city and you know it. And it's your fault I'm concussed so please don't make things worse by stopping me from sorting out this mess!"

Ford and Teyla exchanged meaningful looks. They'd known they could count on McKay to get them back to the planet.

"Rodney," Beckett's eyes narrowed warningly.

"Look, if it makes you feel better, Carson, can you imagine that we have argued about this for hours and now you have relented? It will save a lot of effort if you do."

"Rodney, you are concussed. You need to lie still and quiet and take time to recover."

"And whose fault is it that I am concussed? Huh? Do you want to add Sheppard's death to your list of achievements today? If so, go right ahead keeping me here. It's the only way to guarantee he doesn't make it."

Beckett's eyes narrowed, he didn't like his guilt being played against him. "Alright Rodney, you can go but Teyla and Ford will be going with you wherever you go and like it or not you'll be back here in two hours for a check up. OK?"

Half an hour later McKay walked, somewhat unsteadily, accompanied by Teyla and Ford into the conference room where Elizabeth was sitting with Zelenka, Grodin and Bates.

"Rodney, glad to see you're back on your feet!" exclaimed Elizabeth, "but should you be here?" she continued noting the pale cast to McKay's face.

"Of course I should. I'm the only one smart enough to fix this," he snapped.

Elizabeth turned to Teyla questioningly. "Dr Beckett has released Dr McKay from the Infirmary and has charged us to remain with him at all times."

McKay threw her a grateful look and then ploughed on, "Elizabeth, we have to go back to the planet. I have a theory about what has happened and am pretty sure I can block the transmissions that cause the hallucinations."

"When you say you're pretty sure you can block them, do you mean 90 sure?" she asked.

"More like 70," he replied.

"Which means 50," said Grodin quietly.

McKay chose to ignore him, "Look, if we don't go back soon I think that Sheppard's chances of coming out of this one alive will be minimal. In fact his chances are reducing by the minute. Let me take a team back, I think we can get him back. I'll need Ford, Teyla, Carson and Zelenka. Oh, and a couple of grunts to help me carry the kit I'll need. Bates, can you choose some that aren't too Neanderthal?"

He paused and looked at his colleagues sitting around the table and then turned his focus back to Elizabeth and spoke again, "Listen, if you want Sheppard back alive, you have to let me take a team back there and you have to let me do it now."

Please leave a review - I would appreciate any pointers and constructive criticism you can offer. Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for SlayersGrl for letting me borrow her story Ghosts as a kind of prequel to this and to pennydreadful for the beta.

**Part 3 – The lost Sheppard**

He hurt and he was thirsty and at first that was all he was aware of. Pain and thirst. Thirst and pain.

Then, after a while, the pain receded and he became of bright white light when he… when he did what? He thought hard about it. When he opened his eyes, that was it, bright light when he opened his eyes. He was pleased with himself for working it out and for a while that was enough. However, after some more time had passed (it could have been a minute, it could have been an hour, it could have been a week he couldn't tell) he wanted more, but what was it he wanted? He wanted to know what was going on. Yes, that's what he wanted, to know what was going on because even in his befuddled state he knew something was wrong.

He forced himself to concentrate, to try to remember what had happened. If only he could remember… Suddenly, as if a flood gate had been opened, memories surged over him. Images came and went so quickly that it was impossible to get more than a fleeting impression of what they were. His senses were bombarded by a shifting kaleidoscope of images and sounds.

"_Is he going be alright, Doctor?" _the voice was familiar, so familiar. He struggled and struggled to place it and then triumphantly labelled it 'Mom'.

"_He's had a bad experience but there is no reason why he won't recover fully, Mrs Sheppard. Just give him time." _This time there was no label to attach to the voice just a category, 'Doctor'. _"Just to speak to him as if he can hear you." _It was calming listening to the voice of his mother just like the time when he had nearly drowned as a teenager and she had sat next to his bed for hours until he woke up in the hospital.

His breath hitched suddenly. He hated hospitals. He hated the hospital where he sat next to Amy's bed and watched her lose her fight against the cancer she had battled so valiantly. He hated the field hospital in Afghanistan where he'd visited his men before they were shipped out, crippled and broken. He hated being a patient.

A patient. He was a patient. Why?

Then he remembered the attack. Remembered Ford being hit, Teyla too and McKay's pale, worried face as he had helped them both back to the gate. He remembered hearing McKay's voice over the radio calling Atlantis just before they entered the event horizon. He remembered circling back to the gate trying to evade the enemy. He'd been close to the gate when he'd been hit, low in the back. He remembered the explosion of pain and being thrown forward to the ground but after that, nothing.

"_Are you OK, son?"_ he forced his eyes open and saw Beckett's concerned face peering down at him.

Suddenly he was back in the jumper and the Iratus bug was fixed on his neck sucking out his life, feeding on him. He screamed. _"It just made it worse, Doc!"_ Ford's voice was getting higher with panic.

He was back at McMurdo prepping his helicopter to fly a General out to the top secret scientific research facility out in the middle of nowhere.

Then he was sitting in a control chair_. "Did I do that?"_ he asked as the star chart above him began to spin.

He was standing in the tent in the hunter's encampment on Athos. Teyla stood to greet them and then she was speaking in a serious and urgent voice,_ "If your world has never been visited by the Wraith then I suggest you return there."_

He was on the hive ship looking into Sumner's defeated and pain-filled eyes and in them saw the tacit permission to shoot. He took a steadying breath and raised his gun.

His head began to pound and he closed his eyes to ward off the visions in front of him but it didn't work. She was there, in front of him, fighting for every breath, holding on to life with everything she had. _"It's alright, honey, you don't have to fight anymore," _he whispered.

He shied away from the pain triggered by the memory and suddenly heard McKay saying, _"Well, if only people would learn to lock their secret underground bunkers…" _and he was in the Genii base, sitting, waiting to know what was going to happen to them.

He began to panic. Memories were flooding over him but out of his control. He was surrounded by faces, spinning, swirling, a babble of voices, his abused senses overloading. He felt as if he was being pushed from one memory to the next, his thoughts picked over; some examined in detail, others discarded instantly.

"Wake up, John," he told himself. He just had to wake up from this nightmare, it was driving him insane.

…_."I even brought a turkey sandwich"_

"_We have a man down, I repeat, we have a man down,"…._

……"_Don't just stand there, you jackass, help me up!"_

"_Blue leader, you are to return to base immediately, I repeat immediately,"…._

…_."Just get it off me!"_

"_You disobeyed a direct order, Major,"…._

…_."To have and to hold, for as long as you both shall live."_

"_Tell her I died saving a kid, a whole bunch of kids,"…._

…_.."I think anyone who doesn't want to go through the Stargate is nuts."_

"_And I shall enjoy the taste of your defiance!"…._

…_."to demonstrate the strength of my resolve."_

Unable to resist, he lay there helplessly as he was driven from one memory to the next.

"_She died eight years ago today,"….._

…_.."Dr McKay has shared with me your plan to save the City."_

"_I'm invulnerable!"….._

……"_Do I need to remind you, Major, who's in charge?"_

"_Dr Weir is dead,"…._

…_.."Ashes to ashes and dust to dust."_

He couldn't take it anymore and began to scream; a scream that came from the deepest core of his being and tore at his throat. Abruptly everything stopped and he fell into blackness.

He woke with a sob and sat up, the miasma of the nightmare clinging to him almost palpably. He lent forward concentrating on calming his panicked breathing. Gradually the fear subsided and he looked up to examine his surroundings.

He was sitting on a bed in a plain room with rough white washed walls. Heavy beams stretched across the ceiling which sloped steeply almost down to the floor on one side of the room. The bed had a simple head rest made of dark wood. The wooden floor was uneven and there were a few worn rugs scattered across it. Patterned curtains in a light material hung either side of the small window through which the weak sunshine of northern latitudes poured. The door was in the corner of the room and was half open. Through it he could see a narrow corridor leading off to the left.

Everything looked strangely familiar but distant, as if he was visiting a place he had known a long time ago.

Although it was by no means warm his forehead was beaded with sweat. He wiped it away with shaking hands and then turned and slid over to the edge of the bed. Where was he and what the hell was wrong with him?

He could see his clothes, worn jeans and his battered old Dallas Cowboys' sweatshirt, piled on a chair in the corner of the room. He stood up somewhat unsteadily and weaved over to the chair bending to avoid hitting his head on the sloping ceiling. He dressed as rapidly as he could, ignoring the pounding in his head and the raging thirst that plagued him. Once dressed, he walked silently to the door.

He could smell the sea.

The sense of familiarity was growing. He knew this place.

He walked down the corridor his feet making hardly any sound. He ignored the doors that opened off to the left and right and headed straight for the stairs and went down. There was no-one there. He began to walk more quickly.

He knew this place!

He was downstairs. He registered the worn furnishings, the floor covered in large red worn tiles, the large open room with a fixed brick stove in the corner. He headed for the door that led outside.

As he stepped outside the smell of the sea grew stronger. He narrowed his eyes and peered around him.

He knew this place… This couldn't be possible. He hadn't been here in years. How the hell had he ended up here?

Still he encountered no-one, but that wasn't unusual here. It wasn't exactly a teeming metropolis which was one of the reasons they'd come here; to escape the claustrophobia of life on the British army base near Hamburg where he'd been posted as part of the US liaison back in '94. Sometimes living in each others' pockets got too much and they would break away to the coast to enjoy the peace and quiet.

He began to walk along the rough track that led away from the house. If he remembered rightly he should follow it for a few hundred metres and then there would be a footpath that branched off and led down to the beach. He increased his pace and pressed on; a sense of urgency driving him forward.

As he reached the loose sand of the dunes his progress slowed. He looked around in wonder; the place hadn't changed at all and the dunes spread for miles. He paused as he reached the top of a dune to listen to the marram grass rustling in the wind and the muted roar of the North Sea breakers on the shore. Breathing deeply he scanned the horizon steadying himself.

"Hey, Shep, how ya doing?" Warm arms wrapped around him from behind. He froze.

Something inside him was screaming that this couldn't be true, there was something wrong but somehow the message didn't get through and he turned around smiling to look into the sparkling brown eyes of his wife.

* * *

Please leave a review. They are much appreciated and constructive criticism helps me improve my writing. Thank you. 


	4. Chapter 4

Very sorry for the long delay. Real life has been an absolute sod recently (apologetic grimace for the language). Wouldn't it be so much easier if we didn't have to work for our daily bread? Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. Your comments and encouragement are really appreciated and the one I got last week prompted me to actually finish this and post it!

**Part 4 - The Ghost in the Machine**

McKay was sitting in his lab working, pouring over the data that he'd recorded on the planet. He kept re-playing the meeting with Elizabeth in his head. It hadn't gone well. He'd given her an ultimatum and she'd forbidden him from returning to the planet.

"_Rodney, I can't allow you or anyone else to take a team back to that planet until you can give me a 100 per cent reassurance that you can counteract whatever it is that is causing the hallucinations and that you have a solid theory as to what is going on."_

It was a reassurance he hadn't been able to give and he'd sat there mouth open for a few moments until he had launched into the offensive.

"_How can you not let us go back to the planet, Elizabeth? It's Sheppard's life we are talking about!"_

"_Rodney, I'm not saying you can't go back, I'm saying that we can't go back until we know it is safe…"_

"_But we can't just leave him there!"_

"_You must understand that I can't send in a team of people to what could be their deaths to look for one person, who may be, for all we know, fine."_

"_If he was fine I think we'd know don't you?"_

"_Rodney! This is difficult enough as it is without you making it worse!"_

"_Just be reasonable, Elizabeth. Let me go back to the planet and I'll work this out!"_

"_In the same way you worked out what was happening when you were there last time? Rodney, my answer is no until you can give me more than an unsubstantiated 'it's going to be fine'. Do you understand?"_

She'd held his gaze for what felt like minutes but was probably only seconds until he acquiesced with a brief nod that had set his head pounding again.

"_Rodney, you aren't fit for duty – go and get some sleep, Zelenka and Grodin will carry on reviewing the data whilst you sleep. In the meantime, Bates, can you put a team on standby? I want to be able to send a team as soon as Dr Zelenka and Dr Grodin give us the all clear." _

She'd looked up at Rodney to be sure he'd understood her and then dismissed him with a nod.

How dare she treat him like that? He'd been smouldering as he left the conference room and had barely noticed he was being accompanied by Teyla as he made his way to the lab flagrantly disregarding the order to rest.

How dare she treat him like a three year old being sent to bed whilst the grown ups sorted out the problem? They didn't trust him that was it. They had decided that this was his fault and it was! How could he rest knowing he'd caused this? He felt helpless, sick and an overpowering sense of guilt.

Something had happened on the planet of which he should have been aware. He had missed something and now it looked like Major Sheppard might pay for that mistake with his life.

He grunted to himself and dragged his attention back to the data that was scrolling across his screen ignoring Zelenka and Grodin who were conferring together on the other side of the room.

The problem was that he hadn't exactly been truthful when he said he had a theory about what was going on although he had been truthful about being 70 per cent sure he could block the hallucinations. He'd briefed Zelenka and Grodin on that and had set them working and then had turned to the other problem. When he had spoken to Elizabeth he had had a hunch (that had been proven wrong) as to what was going on but no fully formed idea and definitely no concrete plan. One thing, however, he did know was that whatever was going on it was very, very bad for Sheppard, alone, unaware of his surroundings on a world where daytime temperatures exceeded 45 degrees.

He scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands in an attempt to alleviate the pounding headache behind them and went back to squinting at the screen.

Teyla, who had accompanied him in accordance with Beckett's wishes that someone be with McKay at all times, winced as she watched him, her eyes almost watering in sympathy. She noted with concern that he was still pale under his sun burn, as pale as he had been when he first woke up and that the dark shadows under his eyes were deepening. She checked her watch. "Do you not have to return to the Infirmary for a check up, Dr McKay?" she asked.

"Quiet, I'm busy," he snapped and carried on pouring over the data.

"_Rodney, this is Carson. I'm just reminding you that you are due back in the Infirmary for a check up about now,"_ Beckett's voice was slightly tinny over the radio. Barely pausing in his work, McKay reached up and removed his ear piece and let it drop onto the desk.

Seeing this Teyla frowned slightly and looked questioningly at Ford who had just entered the lab.

"What are you doing here?" asked McKay irritably. "Isn't one watch dog enough?"

"I'm not watching, that's Teyla's job. I came to see if you needed any help," replied Ford.

"And exactly how do you want to help me?" asked McKay abrasively.

"I don't know, I just want to help," replied Ford.

"And when I have figured this out and it is time for brute force and ignorance then maybe you can, but until then, keep out of my hair!" snapped McKay throwing Ford a sour look.

Teyla thought McKay was acting like a wounded animal snarling and snapping at everyone around it.

"So you haven't found a solution yet, McKay?" Ford continued.

"No, I think even you should have been able to work that out by now," McKay snapped. "Was it the fact that we're still here and not on a rescue mission that gave it away?"

"But we're running out of time!"

"Of that, Lieutenant, I am aware and you are now wasting my time so shut up and go away instead of making puerile offers of assistance."

"No, I'm serious, McKay. Is there anything I can do?"

Without looking up from his laptop McKay said, "So tell me, Lieutenant Ford. Just when in basic training did you cover interpreting Ancient technology? Was it before or after your degree in advanced mathematics? Or in between your PhD programmes? I ask merely for information as you must obviously have these qualifications since you are offering to help."

Ford's short store of patience with McKay was used up and he said irritably, "Fine, so I'll just wait for you to fix whatever it was you screwed up on the planet and then I'll go and save the Major's ass, OK? Just say the word when you're ready, McKay, just say the word."

McKay scowled and turned his back on Ford. This was just what he needed, more pressure, more blame. Ford opened his mouth to speak again but was cut off by a call on his radio. "Yes, Dr Beckett?" he answered.

"_Lieutenant Ford, do you recall I asked you or Teyla to stay with Dr McKay at all times?"_

"Yes, Doc, I do," his eyes alighted on McKay's radio where it lay discarded on the desk.

"_Well then, could you be so kind as to tell me where he is at this very moment and why he's not here in the Infirmary as we agreed? And Laddie? If he resists I suggest that you remind him that he needs my clearance before he goes through the gate again."_

With a slightly malicious smile Ford ignored McKay's pantomime of actions that meant he was to tell Beckett he didn't know where he was and said, "Doc, he's right here in his lab. He just doesn't have his radio on. I'll bring him down to see you now. See you in five."

McKay looked up and gave Ford a look, his best withering look, and then said, "I don't have time for this. I have got to find out what happened before we can return to the planet and every minute counts."

Ford said nothing in response, just raised his eyebrows slightly and glanced towards the door. McKay could see he was serious. "Alright, fine. I'm coming," he said and with bad grace he snapped his laptop closed, tucked it under his arm and stood up to accompany Ford to the Infirmary.

* * *

"Here he is, Doc." Lieutenant Ford walked into the Infirmary with his hand resting on McKay's shoulder. McKay's face was as black as thunder and Beckett's eyes were dark with concern as he took in the pinched look to McKay's face and the unhealthy cast to his skin. 

"Rodney, I seem to remember that both Elizabeth and I have told you to get some rest," he observed.

McKay gave him a sour look and said, "I'm fine, Carson. There is a time element here you know. Sheppard is on a desert world in the burning heat in the grip of a hallucination. I really don't think that I have time for a quick nap do you? And anyway, if you hadn't dropped me on my head you wouldn't be ordering me to rest now would you?" McKay stomped over and sat down on the examination table and started rolling up his sleeve for the blood pressure cuff.

Beckett ignored McKay's accusation and picked up his pen light to examine his pupils. "Rodney, you are exhausted and you are concussed. You cannot keep going like this. You will push yourself too far. Don't you think that Zelenka and Grodin can do some of this?" he asked.

McKay's eyes flashed with fury at the implied statement that Zelenka and Grodin could do something he couldn't and he seemed almost ready to explode but then somehow he deflated a little and looked at Beckett, exhaustion clearly showing in his eyes.

"Carson, they are, I'm not quite so arrogant as to try to fix this one on my own but you heard what Elizabeth said, I have to have a guarantee of being able to block the hallucinations before she'll let us go back and I have to supply a plausible explanation as to why it's happening. I've got Zelenka and Grodin working on how to block the hallucinations – that is relatively simple. What I've got to come up with is the theory of how and why this happened and although I had a hunch the data doesn't back it up at all and..." McKay's voice trailed off and he retreated into his thoughts submitting to Beckett's examination. "The problem is that I couldn't get that damn chair to work and spent hours doing work arounds so I didn't have time to review the database," he continued softly to himself. "If only I'd managed to review the database there I might have a better idea of what was going on. I got most of the secondary systems on line but there was a problem with the primary programme, it seemed to be encrypted and so I focussed on a work around for the power supply, seeing if I could bypass it."

"Don't beat yourself up Rodney. You were tracking down the wee ghoulie."

"The wee what, Carson? You're talking nonsense."

"The wee ghoulie… the ghost in the machine that was giving you the run around," Beckett said as he gave McKay an appraising look weighing up his chances of getting him to go to bed for the 12 hours sleep he so obviously needed.

"The ghost in the machine?" McKay stared at Carson his face lighting up as the answer came to him. "Oh my god, Carson – you are a genius! I've got it! The ghost in the machine that is exactly it!" He stood up and tore the pressure cuff off his arm and pushed Beckett away as he headed purposefully for the door.

"Rodney, where the hell do you think you're going?" spluttered Beckett.

McKay turned around with a delighted grin and said, "Ghost busting…" then bounced on his heels and left the room.

Ford and Beckett exchanged confused looks and watched helplessly as the elemental force of nature that was McKay in the throes of a brilliant idea headed out of the Infirmary straight for the labs. With a wry glance at Beckett and a shrug of his shoulders Ford followed its wake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for pennydreadful for the beta stuff.**

**Part 5 – Aargh, I can't think of a name for this… Any suggestions welcome.**

It was well past midnight when Elizabeth decided to stop off at the labs to check on Zelenka's and Grodin's progress before she finally turned in for the night. As she approached the labs she could hear the familiar voice of Rodney McKay issuing orders and instructions. Irritation and concern fought with one another for prime position as she entered the lab.

As she walked in she saw Zelenka and Grodin bent over an Ancient consol to which a laptop was interfaced which was in turn wired up to a small black box. They were 100 per cent absorbed in what they were doing and didn't notice her come in. McKay was taking a rest from ordering the others around and was sitting in front of a laptop grinning almost manically as his fingers flew over the keyboard. He had a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. Elizabeth acknowledged Ford, who was sitting in the corner leaning back on a chair his feet propped up on the work bench, with a nod. Irritation won the upper hand.

"Rodney, what are you doing here? I thought that Beckett had ordered you to get some rest? Ford, aren't you supposed to be resting too?" she asked her voice sharp. Ford scrambled to his feet and, to his credit, looked slightly guilty.

Ignoring her question and the tone of her voice McKay sprang to his feet and said, "Ah! Elizabeth, there you are. Excellent timing. I was just going to call you on the, er, radio." He gestured vaguely with his right hand pointing to his ear. "No doubt you realised it wouldn't take a genius like me long to work this one out, eh?" Still grinning manically he stepped over to her, took hold of her arm and pulled her over to his work bench. He pointed at the screen and said, "There!" in a tone of satisfaction. She looked at the screen which was, from his tone, obviously meant to enlighten her but which, if she was honest with herself, looked like nothing more than a random collection of formulae and vector diagrams.

Stifling her irritation she asked, "What have you found, Rodney?"

"Elizabeth, I have it and I was right by the way. I know how to stop the hallucinations, I know what happened and we're not dealing with any hostile _people_ here at all." His grin became, if at all possible, wider and he continued,"I was talking to Carson and he made some arcane reference to ghoulies or some such and it jogged my memory of something I saw in one of the separate research databases here on Atlantis. So I went and reviewed the data I downloaded on the planet and cross referenced it against the aforementioned research database and bingo! Everything points to the same thing." He gestured proudly at the laptop and stood there grinning expectantly.

"What thing, Rodney?" she asked when it was clear he wasn't going to continue without prompting.

"We're dealing with an automated defence system!" McKay was so proud of himself she thought he might actually burst as he stood there grinning at the screen.

"And knowing this helps us how?" she prompted.

Tearing his eyes off the screen McKay turned her and said, "The outpost was an experimental research station. The Ancients were attempting to find away of countermanding the Wraith's ability of creating illusions and to use them against them… as in the illusions against the Wraith, not the… Anyway, you get the idea. Well, according to the database here, the research station was destroyed during a Wraith attack pretty near to the start of the siege of Atlantis and, since the Ancients had other things on their minds, like their pending demise, they abandoned it. We must have somehow re-activated it, perhaps when Sheppard touched the conduit, and somehow the experimental defence systems kicked in thus creating powerful illusions and hallucinations." He stopped and returned to his gleeful contemplation of the laptop, emanating smugness as he did so.

"And this means that you know how to switch it off?" she asked.

"What? Oh, yes, of course. Now I know what I'm looking for, all I have to do is to hack into the system, bypass a couple of security protocols, reroute the power and Bob's your uncle! It will be simple. Actually when I say simple, I mean incredibly complicated but simple for a genius like me… not that there are any." He paused and turned towards her, the grin replaced with an earnest expression. He continued, "I will still need Zelenka so if you'll just give me the OK I'll get the team together along with Ford here and we can leave?" It was nearly a question. He gave her an uncertain look which she returned levelly whilst she considered what the hell she was going to do next.

* * *

When Beckett heard the news that Elizabeth was giving the rescue mission a green light he had been standing in the doorway of the lab looking at Rodney who was humming tunelessly to himself as he happily poked at the device that Zelenka and Grodin were working on. He'd been poised to drag the irritating man back to Infirmary for some rest when he learnt that McKay was actually readying himself for a mission. Beckett decided that he really didn't understand McKay's problem – turning up in the Infirmary for a broken nail but when he had a severe concussion he was doing everything he could to avoid the place including heading off-world. Shaking his head in disbelief that Elizabeth would sanction sending McKay on a mission in the state he was in, he turned and walked swiftly to her office. 

When he got there he saw Elizabeth conferring quietly with Grodin. He tapped on the doorframe and said in a soft voice that betrayed nothing of his anger, "Elizabeth, can I have a wee word?"

"Yes, Carson, what is it?" she replied although she had a fair idea of what it was he had come to say.

"Elizabeth, I have severe doubts as to whether Rodney should be allowed to go on this mission on medical grounds. Don't you think Radek and Peter could handle this?"

Elizabeth sighed and then replied, "I had some doubts myself but I don't think we have a choice, Carson. I've already spoken to Peter and Radek and they both say that since Rodney was part way through a work around on the chair they doubt they could follow what he has done. They said that it could take them as long to figure out what he has done as it would take him to finish the job."

Beckett made an exasperated noise and turned questioningly to Grodin who looked up and said, "As much as it pains me to admit it, I'm not sure I even could reverse engineer what it is he has done. I firmly believe that he _is_ the only one who can do this quickly."

"So you think he's right then? He is the only one who stands a chance of turning off this machine so that Ford can take some men there to get Sheppard back?" Beckett asked.

"In the time frame available, I'm afraid so. This time Rodney's ego is fully justified. I'm sending another gate team with him and some field medics who will be looking after him and who will escort him back to Atlantis as soon as he's done. Then Ford will be free to go and find Sheppard."

"Elizabeth, I cannae believe that you're going to send him out there on this mission. Did you nae listen to me when I gave you my recommendation that the man should be in bed asleep in the Infirmary where I can keep an eye on the daft bugger?" Beckett's voice was becoming louder as his anger and guilt rose within.

"I'm sorry, Carson. If there was another way I would take it but Major Sheppard is out there, as Rodney so eloquently put it, being baked and then frozen and he probably is totally unaware of what is happening to him." She spread her hands expressively and said quietly, "I don't have a choice, Carson."

Beckett pursed his lips and then shook his head resignedly. "Alright then, Elizabeth, if you'll excuse me I'd better go and get my stuff together." He turned and began walking out of the room.

Elizabeth exchanged a puzzled glance with Grodin and then called out, "Carson, what did you just say?"

Drumming his fingers nervously against his thigh he replied, "Well, if we have to send Rodney off on this damn fool mission in the state he is in then, as his doctor, I'm going bloody well going too."

* * *

As Sheppard turned around he saw her standing there in front of him, just as he had imagined her before he'd left on the mission. The part of his mind that was screaming at him that this couldn't be true faltered and then fell silent as he drank in the figure of the woman who meant everything to him. 

"Amy!" he murmured and slowly reached out to stroke her face with his left hand. He noticed the slight tremor in his fingers as he brushed back the dark brown curls that were blowing across her face. He touched her skin and closed his eyes as he felt her warmth. Unable to hold himself back he gathered her roughly into his arms and squeezed her tightly against him his face buried in her hair. "Oh God, I missed you," he choked out almost unable to speak through the constriction in his throat.

"Shep? Are you OK? What do you mean, you missed me? I've only been away for half an hour! Hey," she ended with a laugh as she pushed back from his fierce embrace. He couldn't stop staring at her and as he stared Amy's expression slowly changed and a worried frown replaced the smiling eyes and she reached up to gently touch his face. "Shep, what's going on? Have you had another relapse?" she asked.

"A relapse? What do you mean, relapse?" he asked, worried.

"A relapse? Like you can't remember how you got here kind of relapse?" her eyes were kind and caring.

He nodded mutely. He felt prickles of fear. Something was wrong with him but what? "I know how I got here, I walked down from the house but I can't understand how we're here, last thing I remember I was on a mission and then I got hit," he confessed. He stepped back from her as his confused memories began piling up on him. His adrenalin started to rise and he automatically started to scan the horizon, looking for danger.

Amy reached up and grabbed him. Holding his head between her hands she stared into his eyes and said urgently, "Calm down, Shep. You're gonna be fine. The doctors have said that this might happen. You just need to stay calm and focus. You'll be fine, do you understand me?" She gave his head a little shake to emphasis her words.

Her firm grip centred him. He calmed his breathing and asked, "But how did this happen, Amy? Why don't I remember what happened?"

"Shep, it's a side effect of what happened. The doctors said it could take a long time for everything to sort itself out up there. You've been through a hell of a lot and you're on leave. You remember that don't you?"

"Are you telling me that I had a breakdown?" he asked incredulously staring into her eyes.

She didn't answer, just gave his head another little shake and smiled. It was a crooked smile, tired. It was the smile of someone who has suffered much and is trying to be strong and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't deny the truth he saw in the calm brown eyes returning his questioning stare.

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you did and even if you didn't please leave a review. They are much appreciated and feedback helps me improve my writing. Thank you. Kat._


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you nebbyjen for beta reading this. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

* * *

Sheppard lay on his back staring up at the sloping ceiling, waiting for sleep. He could feel Amy lying beside him, feel her soft warmth and hear her breathe. Pure physical exhaustion was weighing on his limbs and he lay heavily, waiting for sleep but it wasn't coming easily to him. He couldn't clear his mind's confusion and kept thinking back to the conversation on the beach this morning. The words Amy had used were echoing in his head, "breakdown……….. post traumatic stress disorder…….. memory loss…….. hallucinations……… relapse…… paranoia…….. blackouts…….. recovery ……. prognosis …… time….. peace and quiet……… extended leave……."

He found it hard to believe that he'd had a breakdown. However, he knew that there was something deeply wrong with him; there had to be to account for his confusion and for the memories that just couldn't be true. He shuddered as the image of Amy pale and deathly quiet in a hospital bed intruded into his thoughts. In an attempt to rid himself of the image he rolled onto his side and propped up on one elbow to look at her as she slept. Frowning slightly he reached out to touch the wayward brown hair that spilt across the pillow towards him and he "remembered" how it had fallen out in handfuls during chemotherapy. What had made him hallucinate that the woman he loved had died by inches, fighting and suffering with each inexorable step towards death?

"Stop it, Shep. I'm nearly asleep you're gonna wake me up," Amy mumbled into her pillow.

"Sorry, honey, I'll stop," he replied. He slowly withdrew his hand and carried on staring at her, at the way that the pale light played across her face.

After a few minutes she mumbled again, "Shep, you're still doing it. Stop it"

"Stop what?" he asked.

"Staring at me – stop staring at me. I'm trying to get to sleep and you're staring at me and keeping me awake, you jackass," she replied squinting at him. His heart lurched in his chest as he looked at her somehow seeing pain filled, twisted eyes superimposed on the sleepy face peering at him from underneath the unruly brown hair.

"Hey, who are you calling a jackass?" he chided, gently caressing her hair and swallowing the lump in his throat.

Amy gave a mock snarl and buried her head under the pillow. "You, you, you, jackass, jackass, jackass," she taunted in a muffled sing song.

"Hey, maybe I'm just not tired enough to sleep," he suggested, a hopeful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Amy lifted her head out from under her pillow and looked at him appraisingly, a lazy grin on her face. "Well, perhaps I can do something about that," she said and any confusion that remained in his mind disappeared as Sheppard surrendered to her urgent kisses.

* * *

McKay was sitting on the gateroom steps watching as Ford ran through the final checks with the team that had gathered about him. They were nearly ready to leave. Once finished, the lieutenant then turned to Bates and while having a muttered conversation, the two officers inspected their weapons.

His gaze then shifted to Teyla standing quietly next to Elizabeth as they both watched Zelenka running various tests on the machine that he and Grodin had built. When finished, the Czech packed it into a large silver case, carefully ensuring there was enough play in the wires connecting it to his data pad.

Now they were ready. Squinting slightly, Rodney massaged his forehead, while mentally running through the list of things he had packed to bring with him. Did he need any more? There wouldn't be an opportunity to come back if he'd forgotten anything. He caught sight of Beckett entering the gateroom weighed down by a large bag of medical supplies. "Carson, come to wave goodbye to the departing heroes?" he called out and immediately regretted it as his headache stepped up a notch.

"No, Rodney," he replied and then waited patiently as McKay berated one of the marines for nearly dropping one of his bags.

"Can you read?" McKay demanded of the young soldier and then, pointing at the letters on the side of the pack, he said, "F R A G I L E, fragile! Got it? Be careful with it." The marine gave him a sour look and then heaved the pack up on to his back.

Beckett indicated that McKay should take a seat whilst he examined him.

"Carson! I don't have time for this!"

"Yes you do Rodney; it's called a pre mission check up," replied the Scot which earned him a glare from his unwilling subject.

"You can't stop me going, you know," McKay said looking at the doctor suspiciously. "Anyway, what is all that junk?" he asked waving irritably at Beckett's bag. "Our medic has everything that we need – he might be a pack mule but he can't carry any more; we can't cart all that with us. This is a precision operation – clockwork in and out." McKay was talking so quickly his words were tumbling over one another and he was waving his arms in an attempt to disguise his physical weakness and deep seated feeling of ill heath.

Beckett gave the Canadian an appraising look and then said, "You are in no shape to go on this mission, Rodney. Can't you reconsider?"

"No I can't, and anyway, whose fault is that, Doctor Oops-dropped-the-patient-on-the-head-again?" snapped McKay in reply.

"Well, if that's how it's going to be then I guess I was right after all." The physician bent down to heft his pack up onto his back.

"Carson, what are you doing?" McKay was watching Beckett as he struggled with his pack, a perplexed look on his face.

Beckett gestured to one of the marines to help him load his pack up onto his back and then turned slightly to face McKay and answered, "Rodney, didn't Elizabeth tell you? I'm coming with you."

Whatever response McKay may have had was lost as Ford chose that moment to address the assembled team.

"OK, people, this is the situation. We are heading back to Planet Hellhole to find and retrieve Major Sheppard. And, as you know, Planet Hellhole is not a nice place so we are going to have to be very careful. There is some kind of defence system which can play with your mind, however, McKay and Radek will be taking care of that."

"Aw. He could have said that it was with a particularly brilliant rotating jamming frequency that I developed? Couldn't he? Was it too much to ask??" McKay asked imploringly of no-one in particular.

"Once we get through the gate, we head straight up to the Outpost. McKay hacks the system, turns it off, we split up to go find Major Sheppard and then we bring him back. Does everyone understand?"

There was a chorus of nods.

"OK, people, let's go," Ford ordered, then turned and faced Elizabeth.

She nodded. "Dial the gate," she said without taking her eyes off the assembled team. Was it right for her to risk all these people for one man? In her heart she knew it was but she had her doubts. Walking swiftly over to McKay she put her hand on his arm. "Are you sure you can do this?" she asked him.

He nodded and stepped forward to join the rest of the team as they proceeded to the gate.

The heat hit them as they stepped through the event horizon. It was still dark on the planet although there was the faintest line of grey on the horizon indicating that dawn was on its way. Ford and his men staked out a perimeter. Teyla stood protectively near the scientists as McKay got out the life signs detector and Zelenka started monitoring the readings from the jamming device whilst throwing nervous glances around him. Beckett wiped his forehead where sweat was already beading and shifted his pack into a more comfortable position on his back.

"And this is before dawn?" he asked.

Teyla nodded. "In full daylight the temperature can be most uncomfortable," she replied.

Beckett had no answer to that and just threw a concerned glance at McKay who was engrossed in the life signs detector.

After a few moments McKay spoke, "Just like before – nothing – except one life sign coming from up there probably at the Outpost. Let's just hope that it's Major Sheppard. Radek, keep monitoring the jammer. Ford, keep everyone together. We don't have much range on this thing."

Ford nodded and gestured for the marines to fall back towards them. In a tight group with McKay, Zelenka and Beckett in the middle, they made their way up to the Outpost.

They approached the building cautiously with Ford and Teyla taking the lead since they knew the ground. It was quiet but along with the moaning of the wind and the scrabbling of the insects they could hear a low humming sound. They were standing just metres away from the Outpost. "McKay, is there anything showing up on the scanner?" whispered Ford.

"Just one life sign," replied McKay alternating his attention from the life signs detector in his hand and the data pad carried by Zelenka. He pointed at something, and Zelenka, nodding his understanding, made a few adjustments.

"So, can we go in?" asked Ford.

"Yes, but we have to stay together and be aware that if that is Major Sheppard in there, he probably won't know who we are," replied McKay still looking absorbed in his instruments.

Zelenka nodded his agreement. "Yes, signal is much stronger here. We have a radius of no more than 3 metres from this," indicating the device he was carrying. "Outside of 3 metres I cannot block the transmissions."

Ford looked at the team to see that everyone had heard. "All right people, move in but keep close. If it is the Major in there, the plan is to get him within our 3 metre radius ASAP, got it? If he resists then we use non-lethal force," Ford ordered taking out the tranquiliser gun he and Bates had prepared earlier.

Beckett put his hand on Ford's arm, "As a last resort please, son, since we don't know what kind of state he's in." Ford nodded.

Teyla slid the ruined door to one side. She and Ford stepped slowly through the door, blinking as their eyes adjusted to the shadow inside the building, holding their guns ready to fire. As her eyes adjusted and she could see clearly in the dim light she caught her breath. They exchanged concerned looks and pressed forward. Reaching the object of their attention, she turned and said to those behind them, "It's Major Sheppard. He appears to be unconscious." She leant forward to touch the inert figure in front of her.

Pushing to the front of the group McKay grabbed her arm. "No, don't touch him!" he ordered while simultaneously reaching out to stop Beckett as the doctor stepped forward. "I said don't touch him!" repeated McKay in an urgent shout.

"But, he needs medical attention, Rodney," protested Beckett.

"I know that, but if you touch him it might realise you're here."

"What might realise I'm here?"

"That." The scientist gestured towards where Sheppard lay, pale and unmoving in the control chair in the centre of the room.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who has left me a review. Apologies if I have not replied to all - I tried but the software has been doing strange things to me... Please let me know if you any comments on the fic. I've had some really useful feedback that has helped me improve the way I write. Thanks in advance. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks rnee for the beta job. Thanks to all who reviewed and also sorry - I tried to say thank you to you all individually but the gremlins won't let me reply to reviews at the moment... **

**Part 7 – The best laid plans… **

"But he's inside the three metres! Why isn't he waking up? I thought that you said that anything within three metres of that would be protected from the defence system!" protested Ford pointing at the jamming device.

"I know I did but I didn't count on him being sat in that!" McKay snapped in reply staring at Sheppard with a look on his face that was a peculiar mix of anger, doubt and disgust. "Oh crap, crap and double crap. Why did this have to happen?" he muttered as he meticulously examined the unconscious major and the chair from every angle. The ghostly blue light from the active chair played over McKay's face making him look paler and sicker than before. Ignoring his pounding head, McKay crouched down to peer closely at the Major's hands, one of which was tightly clutching the small array of crystals he had touched initialising the defence system and triggering the "attack" on them. The Canadian began to swear slowly to himself, cursing the planet, the chair and above all stupid Air Force majors who couldn't keep their hands to themselves.

Filtering out McKay's monologue, Carson Beckett examined the unconscious form of his patient from a careful distance. With professional detachment the doctor noted the sunken eyes, the tracks of dried tears, the blue-ish tinge to his lips, the slack face, the shallow breathing and the absolute immobility in which the major lay. He frowned and then beckoned over the medic to help him unpack the bags of medical supplies.

"This is bad," observed Zelenka absentmindedly chewing on his lower lip as he stood staring at the chair and its occupant.

"No, Radek, this is not bad," McKay corrected as he stood up, "this is very bad. Actually, this is not only very bad, it is extremely bad." Suddenly the pressure, his fatigue and his headache won the upper hand. "This was not in the plan. What the hell were you thinking you idiot? I told you not to sit in the chair!!" he shouted at Sheppard who showed no sign of having heard anything.

Startled by the vehemence of McKay's anger, Teyla reached out and touched his arm. "I do not believe that Major Sheppard can hear you, Doctor McKay, so there is little point in shouting at him," she admonished softly but firmly.

Angrily shrugging off her hand, McKay grumbled, "Yes there is, it makes me feel better." He was visibly struggling to get his temper back under control, to think straight, but his head hurt and he really didn't need this complication.

"McKay, what the hell is going on?" Ford asked and scowled when McKay ignored him. "You said that all you had to do was to hack into the system, turn it off and then we could go find Sheppard. Well, we've found him, so it's just turning it off that's left. So get to it, OK?"

"Well, Lieutenant, thank you so much for your insightful comments. Once again you have proved my point that I should ignore almost everything, if not everything, that you say," snapped McKay in reply without taking his eyes off the scene in front of him.

Ford bristled at the insult but persisted and asked, "What's your problem, McKay? Just hack in and switch it off like you said you would!"

"I can't just hack in and switch off the defence system because he's interfaced with the chair, you block head!!" the Canadian shouted at Ford. He then turned to Sheppard and continued, "Why did you sit in it? I specifically told you NOT to sit in it." With a frustrated groan, he lowered his pack to the floor and sat down heavily. He let his hands hang limply between his knees.

"Doctor McKay, I believe that all Lieutenant Ford was asking for was an explanation of what the major's situation is," said Teyla diplomatically, hoping to defuse the tension. She shot a warning glance at Ford who looked as if he was about ready to use his tranquiliser gun on McKay.

"The problem is the major is interfaced with chair now, and chair controls defence system." It was Zelenka who spoke as he quietly unpacked equipment. "This makes hacking system much more difficult; many more, how you say, variables introduced." The Czech looked up from his work and added, "And Rodney is right, this is very, very bad."

"But you will be able to fix it, won't you?" interjected Beckett, worry for his patient clearly audible in his voice.

McKay and Zelenka exchanged worried looks and then McKay, his temper now back under control, answered tersely, "Whilst I have no doubt that, given time, we can do it this, it's not going to be easy, understand?" Then he sighed deeply and rose to his feet to join Zelenka as he set up computers and cables.

"Can't we just get him out of the chair? Won't that just switch it off like it does the Atlantis chair?" asked Ford.

McKay gave the young marine a look that clearly said, _'I won't waste my breath answering your stupid question,' _but he said nothing and carried on working.

"But why not, Rodney?" asked Beckett.

"Because this chair is different, OK? That's why I was having problems with it before. It not only seems to link with the user for control, it integrates their mental processes into the programme. If we just pull him out, he'll probably end up a vegetable. As I said to him," he indicated Sheppard with an irritable flick of his thumb, "sit in chair, head might fry."

"Oh," said Becket and swallowed.

"Now could you all just stop asking questions and let us get on with this?" asked McKay almost plaintively.

Beckett nodded and went back to checking the medical kit. Ford and Teyla drew back a little way, taking care to stay within the three metre radius and watched the scientists. They worked quickly and mostly in silence; McKay because his head hurt too much to speak and Zelenka because he was concentrating on what he was doing. When they spoke it was in short terse sentences.

"Modulate that to the dominate frequency but watch the rotations…"

"OK, number three unit is in place and I have bypassed the preliminary routing."

"Good, now try to bypass that crystal group so that the sensors in here are off-line."

"Are you sure we need to do that, Rodney?"

"Just humour me, Radek, on this one, just humour me."

Ford didn't understand most of what they said and it added to his sense of unease. He was never entirely comfortable being in charge of civilians; they never did as they were told and spent so much time arguing and questioning his orders that he felt he wasn't in command at all. He shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flicking between the two feverishly working scientists, his oblivious commanding officer and the marine posted on guard duty as near the door as the three metre radius would permit.

The tension in the hot, dusty room lay heavy on everyone and Beckett's patience was beginning to wear thin – he had to get to his patient! After fifteen minutes he opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by McKay. "OK, Carson, you can go and do what it is you do but don't touch the chair. The last thing we need is another ATA gene screwing this up. Everyone else, just wait but keep within a three metre radius of this box! Do you understand?"

"I can touch him?" Beckett asked as he stepped forward.

"Yes," McKay answered wearily and then lowered himself carefully to the floor. He scrubbed his eyes and took a long drink from a water canister to wash down the Tylenol he had just surreptitiously placed in his mouth. He leant back against a console near the chair and closed his eyes, his mind racing as he considered what his and Radek's next step should be.

Beckett, with the medic's help, set to work examining Sheppard, all the time keeping clear of the chair. It made working difficult but in a few minutes he had an IV drip feed set up and was assessing Sheppard's physical state.

"How is he, Doc?" Ford asked.

Beckett shook his head. "I'm not sure, laddie, not sure at all. He's been in this chair overnight now, at least 15 hours by my reckoning. He's dehydrated and suffering from heat stroke that much is clear, but I need to get him unhooked from this damn thing before I can do anymore."

Their conversation was interrupted by a shout from the door.

"We got company, Lieutenant!" The marine on guard near the door let off a burst of fire from his P90. "Unfriendlies, at least 20 of them. They've got some kind of energy weapon." There was another burst of fire.

McKay's eyes snapped open a horrified expression on his face. He scrambled over to the life signs detector and fumbled with it, another burst of automated fire rattling in his ears. "There's nothing there," he shouted. "He's hallucinating!"

"Stand down, Marine!" shouted Ford.

"There's too many of them, I can't hold them off! I'm hit… Aw shit!" The marine fell heavily to the floor clutching his thigh.

Ford watched helplessly as the soldier hissed with pain and fumbled with a field bandage, attempting to wrap it around a leg that wasn't bleeding.

"Fall back to me, our safe area has shrunk by about a metre," shouted McKay.

"It's not real, Son, it's an illusion. Get over here," shouted Beckett. "I can help!"

"Oh, as if that's going to achieve anything," muttered McKay sourly.

The man on the floor seemed to hear something but it was evidently not the voices of his team mates as he flinched and turned with difficulty onto his stomach. "Oh God!" he gasped squinting around him and then he dragged himself back to the wall. Teyla put a restraining hand on Beckett's shoulder as he started to move forward to help the marine who was obviously firmly in the grip of a hallucination. Beckett could see the expression of abject fear on the man's face as his eyes darted from side to side until his gaze fixed on the doctor. The soldier's eyes widen at what he thought he saw. Then Beckett saw the marine pull his P-90 to his shoulder with shaking hands and take aim.

"Aw, crap…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you Lady Anne for the beta job - mucho appreciated.**

**Part 8. Down the rabbit hole**

Beckett was frozen. A heavily armed and hallucinating marine was pointing a gun at him and he couldn't move a muscle to save himself. With increasing disbelief he watched the young man pull the P90 to his shoulder with shaking hands.

The doctor squeezed his eyes shut and so didn't see Ford bring the tranquiliser gun up to his shoulder in one smooth movement and fire off a dart. Within less than a second the sergeant had collapsed in on himself and lay motionless on the floor, his P90 slipping from limp hands.

The stink of cordite hung heavy in the air.

Beckett opened his eyes unwillingly to believe that he was still alive.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Ford in a voice gone shrill. He turned to McKay, unconsciously shifting closer to the jamming device.

Beckett stared at Ford and Rodney's antagonistic stance in shocked incomprehension. Ford was shouting now. "You said if we stayed within three metres we'd be safe, what the hell went wrong?"

McKay was staring at back at Ford and then turned to the unconscious soldier on the floor. His mouth was working but no words were coming out.

Beckett struggled with his composure. "So, everyone's alright are they?" he asked eventually in an unnaturally light voice. He looked around expecting to see wounded but all he saw were the shocked faces of his team mates.

Finally recovering his voice, McKay turned to yell at Zelenka. "What the hell did you do? Ham-handed idiot!" He threw the life signs detector to one side and, glaring angrily at his fellow scientist, he knelt down in front of the jamming device.

"I didn't do anything," retorted the Czech as McKay snatched a data pad out of his grasp.

McKay then shifted his glare accusingly to Beckett who raised his hands defensively and spluttered, "D'nae look at me like that, Rodney. I d'nae touch that bloody chair."

"Then what the hell just happened?" he demanded turning his attention back to the equipment in front of him. "No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening! Tell me this is not happening," he breathed. Abruptly he set the data pad down and crawled over to another. "Everyone fall back, get closer to the antennae," he ordered. "Zelenka, boost power to that thing!"

"Doctor McKay, what has happened?" asked Teyla as she stepped in closer to the large silver box housing the jamming device. Although it was a large room the area around the chair was becoming cramped where the group huddled closer to the silver box. Zelenka and McKay were kneeling in the dust beside it and the rest of the team stood in a loose circle, almost a defensive formation, around them. Teyla took another step backwards careful not to step on to or to dislodge any of the equipment the two scientists had set up. She glanced uneasily to one side to look at Ford and realised that they were standing so close now that if she'd have reached out she could easily touch his shoulder. His eyes were fixed on the man he had shot with the tranquiliser and she could almost feel his fear of this unseen enemy that could manipulate their minds. She recognised the same fear rising within her.

"There has been a power surge, I don't know how. Our safe area is shrinking all the time," the Canadian scientist answered. "Christ, Radek, we have to boost this. Wire up the spare batteries, all of them." Zelenka nodded and then turned to work.

"Crap, crap, crap, it's like something's looking for us. There are uneven surges all over the place. How the hell? It's like something knows we are here…" McKay could feel the panic rising inside him. "But we were so careful. We bypassed the protocols. There are no sensors in here; this should not be happening! Maybe it has detected that the sensors are no longer here and is reacting to that?" he theorised.

"But that would suggest the ability to reason…" Zelenka's voice was worried.

Simultaneously the two scientists turned, stared at the chair and then turned to look at one another. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked McKay.

"That programme has been running for very long time. Lots of things can happen in ten thousand years," replied Zelenka.

"Or it could be Major Sheppard," added McKay. The smaller scientist didn't answer, just nodded his head and continued wiring additional batteries to the jamming device.

"What the hell are you guys talking about? Just tell me what is going on!" yelled Ford, now thoroughly disquieted and out of his depth.

McKay fixed him with a worried look and said, "The data suggests that something is looking for us. We can boost our signal and try and fool it but we don't have enough power to keep going for long. Zelenka, you're going to have to monitor the variations in the frequency and match them."

"How long?" demanded Ford.

"How long what?" McKay snapped back.

"How long before we start seeing things again?" Ford's eyes widened as he remembered the pain of the stomach wound.

"I don't know. Look it might not come to that – we have five maybe six hours of power in the batteries and so long as we can keep matching the variations in the frequency we can hold this thing at bay. That's going to take up all of one of our time though which leaves only one of us to work on how to hack the system, turn it off and extract the major," replied McKay.

"So, that means you've got three hours to get him out of there," stated Ford.

"What?" blustered McKay.

"You got him into this mess, you can get him out."

"I did what? No he did! He touched the damn chair!" shouted McKay in response.

"The question of where fault lies is not the issue. The issue is the life of Major Sheppard and how we save it," interjected Teyla swiftly to avert what looked like becoming an ugly argument.

"And ours. When that thing finds us, it might not decide to let us go quite so quickly as it did last time," added McKay.

"And I think that we're going to have to disable all the weapons," stated Beckett flatly remembering how he had stood at the wrong end of a P90 just minutes before.

"What?" asked Ford as if he thought Beckett was crazy.

"You heard me, Laddie. Disable all the weapons, at least the lethal ones. We might not be so lucky next time!" and gestured towards the unconscious body of the marine lying face down on the dusty floor. Ford scowled and then, seeing the sense of Beckett's advice, he nodded to his men. They started breaking down their weapons to render them harmless should they succumb to the hallucinations.

"Rodney, you might want to look at this." It was Zelenka, speaking in short bursts in between frantic bouts of typing.

McKay scrambled the short distance over to Zelenka and looked over his shoulder. "God, the frequency of the transmissions is varying incredibly quickly," he said.

Zelenka nodded and stared intently at the monitor preparing to match wits with whatever it was that was hunting them.

McKay turned away from him picking up one data pad after another examining the readings as he desperately wracked his brains for a solution. And then it occurred to him. "Oh sweet Jesus Christ," he whispered to himself and turned to stare at Sheppard who lay there, oblivious to the noise, the heat and the tension around him. "There's only one viable option."

"Rodney, you've gone white. What's up with you? Are you feeling nauseous?" asked Beckett putting his hand on McKay's shoulder.

The scientist nodded and then shook his head, "No, no, I'm fine. It's just I have to do something and since Zelenka has to focus on matching the frequencies, I need you to help me."

Beckett noted McKay's stricken expression and said, "Alright, Rodney."

McKay swallowed hard and then worked swiftly pulling cables and crystals out from the base of the chair. Beckett had no idea what Rodney was doing. He watched in silence as the Canadian worked frantically noting with concern McKay's occasional lapse in concentration.

The Canadian at last seemed satisfied with his handy work. He looked questioningly over to Zelenka who was sitting on the floor, his whole being concentrated on the data pad in front of him. He appeared to sense McKay's scrutiny and said, without taking his eyes of the screen, "It's not slowing down, I'm sorry."

At his answer McKay scowled fiercely and then said, "OK, you know what it is I'm going to do now?"

Zelenka shot him a sideways look. "Good luck," he said and then turned his gaze back to the data pad to concentrate all his wits on blocking whatever it was that was hunting them down.

McKay nodded. He looked as if he was about to say something and then changed his mind, sat down leant against the console. He carefully grasped the crystals he'd been working on in both hands and looked over at Beckett. "Look, when I say so, just flick that switch, OK?"

"Anything you say, Rodney," replied the doctor giving his friend an encouraging smile.

McKay didn't smile in return. He just breathed heavily for a few minutes and then said, "Carson, now, before I change my mind."

Beckett still didn't know what his friend was planning to do and so he did as he was told. He flicked the switch and then watched in horror as McKay stiffened then slowly toppled over sideways to lie limply on the floor.

"Rodney!" shouted Beckett and lunged forward.

"Stop it!" ordered Zelenka in an uncharacteristically harsh voice.

Beckett stopped his forward motion and then asked, "What the hell has he done?" in a low voice although he suspected he knew the answer.

"He's gone in after Sheppard," replied Zelenka.

"And you knew this and still let me help him? Am I surrounded by loons? What in hell's name did you let him do that for? The man's sick for God's sake." The Scot was shouting now angry with McKay for duping him into helping, angry with Zelenka for his complicity and angry with Ford for driving McKay to such a desperate course of action.

Zelenka didn't even look at Beckett; he couldn't afford to in case he missed a change in frequency or a power spike. So he kept his eyes focused on the data pad in front of him as he replied, "He's the only one who could. It needs ATA gene and knowledge of advanced mathematics. He is only one who, as you say, fits bill. Now quiet please, I must concentrate."

There was silence in the small room. Beckett's mouth slowly formed into a hard line and then he turned towards Ford and spun him round forcing the younger man to meet his glare. "Are you happy now, Laddie? What the hell are we going to do if he doesn't come back? Did you think of that when you started hounding him?" he demanded.

Ford didn't answer. He was aghast at the enormity of what McKay had just done. He had willingly interfaced himself with the chair which he knew could kill or maim him in order to try to save Major Sheppard. He didn't know what to say. He had badly misjudged the scientist.

It was Teyla who broke the silence. "Then we will have to trust that Doctor McKay will succeed," she said and they all turned to look at the unconscious Canadian sprawled inelegantly in the dust at their feet.

* * *

Bright sun light burst in on him and he blinked trying to build some sort of frame of reference as to where he was. He squinted and then strained to hear as something caught his attention above the sound of the rollers breaking on the shore. Wait? Rollers?! What the hell was going on here? He turned in the direction of the sound. It was voices, laughing and shouting. He saw two figures in the distance, one the unmistakable figure of Major John Sheppard and the other, a woman. He was too far away to make out her features but he could see that she was slim with shoulder length brown hair. The two figures were entwined; arms wrapped around one another, heads leant towards each other. 

"Typical! I hallucinate lugging a hulking great marine back to the star gate whilst holding his guts in place with Teyla dripping blood every where and HE hallucinates romancing the beautiful alien!" snorted McKay in disgust and started the long trek down over the dunes to the two distant figures on the beach.

* * *

**Please leave review if you liked it and especially if you didn't - constructive feedback is a great motivator for me. FYI there are only two more chapters to go and the next one just isn't co-operating... Thanks for everyone who has left reviews so far - your comments and encouragement are greatly appreciated.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A big thank you to Lady Anne and pennydreadful for all the beta work. Apologies to all of those who left reviews who I didn't get back to. The bots at FF decided they hated me and did horrible things to me so I guess I ought to apologise to those of you to whom I replied more than three times...**

**Part 9**

Sheppard snapped open his eyes. He was back in their room in the old house but couldn't remember how he had got there. He swore softly to himself and made to stand but was brought up short by the stabbing pain behind his eyes. He sank back to the bed with a sharp intake of breath squeezing his eyes shut against the relentless hammering inside his skull. Gradually, as the pain lessened, he became aware that someone was in the room with him.

He raised his head gingerly to see Amy standing in the doorway. She was holding a mug in her hand. "I brought you some tea," she said calmly and came over to sit next to him.

He settled himself slowly against the bedstead and reached out for the mug. His hand had a very slight and very unaccustomed shake to it. He took a sip of the hot liquid and then asked, "Can you tell me what the hell just happened?"

Amy gave him a long appraising look. "Tell me what you remember," she said.

"About how I got here? Not much," he admitted shaking his head. He took another sip of tea and continued, "I remember walking on the beach and then I thought I saw someone I know… someone from my team, a kinda friend. Then it gets a bit," he waved his hand as he looked for the right word, "crazy - then I woke up here."

Amy smiled. "Well, that's better than last time isn't it?" she replied calmly. "And if you try, you might remember more."

Sheppard said nothing, just stared at her and then dropped his eyes to the floor to avoid her sympathetic eyes. Christ what was happening here? He let his head drop forward and then groaned, "I can't remember, Amy, just tell me what happened!"

After a few moments observing the man in front of her Amy said, "You claimed that you could see someone. You had an argument with them, you tried to hit them and then you zoned out." The 'again' was unspoken but was clearly there. "It took me a good half an hour to get you to come back here. When we got back, you lay down and have been asleep," she checked her wristwatch, "for forty-five minutes."

Sheppard shook his head in denial. "No," he said softly, "that's not right. Something isn't right."

"I know, Shep." Amy crossed the space between them and sat besides him on the bed. She rubbed his shoulder with her free hand and smiled at him encouragingly. "It's called post traumatic stress disorder. We'll come through this, Shep, I promise."

"But what happened to give me PTSD? I don't even remember that," Sheppard voice was low and leant into her touch. "And it was so damn real. It was as if McKay was right _there_ on the beach." He closed his eyes. If he tried he could even remember the sensation of slapping the infuriating Canadian on the back of the head.

"_So, Kirk, you've found another alien priestess to romance? Or is she a Trulian slave girl, eh?"  
_

_McKay had waded straight in. No pleasantries, he'd just gone ahead opened his mouth and stuffed his foot right in it.  
_

"_Gotta say it though, Sheppard, your taste is improving. This one's a lot better looking that that Ascended bimbo you were flirting with." The Canadian rocked back on his heels looking insufferably pleased with himself. "So, you going to introduce to me to your lady friend or are you keeping your hallucinations to yourself nowadays?"  
_

"_Shut up, McKay, that's my wife you're talking about!" he yelled giving the infuriating man a slap across the back of his head. _

Then the world went insane and he falling backwards into blackness, spinning, turning…

"But it was so real," he repeated and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Christ, what am I going to do, Amy? What if I don't get better?"

"Stop thinking about it, Shep," she ordered, "Drink up and when you're feeling a bit better come on down. Frau Aberhardt will be in to clean later and she'll need to get into the room."

Sheppard nodded and, with a brief squeeze of his shoulder, she stood up and left. He heard her walk down the creaking wooden steps and into the hallway, her brisk tread as familiar to him as the sound of his own breathing. He carefully set his mug down on the side table and lay back on the bed hands tucked behind his head. He stared at the ceiling and tried to remember.

* * *

McKay was sprawled out on the floor with Beckett hovering between him and Sheppard like a six-foot tall pissed off mother hen tending her brood. The Scot's anger was almost palpable but at the moment he couldn't decide who he was angrier at; Sheppard for getting stuck in the chair, McKay for being such a damn fool as to go in and try to rescue him or that impertinent young whippersnapper for driving McKay to the actions that had led to this. "I didn't sign on for this," he whispered to himself as he furiously scrubbed at his forehead. 

Ford glanced anxiously at his watch and then, schooling his features into a confident façade, he looked around the room taking in Zelenka totally focussed on what he was doing. Ford felt helpless; theoretically in charge but with very little idea of what was actually going on. There was nothing he could do but wait. He noticed Beckett's expression growing darker as he hunkered down besides the unconscious Canadian. The young marine was fully aware at how angry the doctor was with him but he plucked up his courage to ask, "So, Doc, how's McKay doing?"

"I don't bloody know," answered the Scot shortly. "He appears to be in worse shape than the Major. There are clear signs of respiratory distress and his eye movements are becoming agitated."

"Well, he's going to be busy isn't he? Zelenka said he's gotta find the control area in the VR interface of the programme and shut it down from inside right? He'll do that no problem – he's the genius, remember?" Ford tried to force some cheer into his voice, to build confidence in the rest of the team.

"Aye, but this looks like more than just someone working hard. I'd need an ECG to confirm it but it looks like he is in a highly agitated, stimulated state," replied Beckett laying a hand on McKay's forehead. "Teyla, can you pass me that bag near your feet?"

Teyla nodded and then carefully pushed the bag that Beckett had indicated the short distance over to him with her feet without interrupting her scan of the perimeter. It was full daylight outside and the temperature in the outpost was climbing steadily. Her eyes rested on the unconscious marine lying in the dust near the door.

"So, what does that mean? Agitated? Is he like having a hallucination in there?" demanded Ford.

Any answer Beckett might have given was interrupted by Zelenka. "All of you, step back towards me please." His voice was low and urgent and they obeyed him without question, casting nervous glances at each other as they gathered into an increasingly tight knot around the Czech scientist.

"Dr Zelenka, what has happened?" As she spoke, Teyla wiped at the perspiration that was beginning to run down her temples. She was closely flanked on either side by Ford and the remaining marine and the temperature was becoming unbearable.

"Activity has spiked. Something is probing at our interface programmes. I don't know what Rodney has done in there but he has stirred up hornet's nest." Zelenka didn't look up from the data pad he was working on and carried on typing, patches of sweat darkening between his shoulders as he stayed one step ahead of the programme that was hunting him down.

"Aw Christ, Rodney lad, what have ye done?" asked Beckett imploringly, letting his hand fall away impotently from McKay's forehead.

Twisting to look over his shoulder Ford asked, "Dr Beckett, is Dr McKay alright?"

Ford could see McKay's breathing was becoming increasingly laboured and a light tremor that was running through him. Shaking his head the Scot replied, "No, he's not." The trembling was becoming more and more pronounced. "Right, that's enough. Radek, how can we get him out there? He was in terrible shape when he started out on this damn fool plan and he's even worse now. I don't know how much more he can take."

Zelenka threw a sideways look at Beckett and began to swear. He wracked his brains, calculated, estimated, analysed, evaluated, questioned and then finally took a leap of faith. Muttering to himself in his native tongue, he split his attention between two datapads; one controlling the defensive programme and the other, the one that McKay had interfaced with the Ancient control chair. His fingers flew as he worked, shifting his attention from one to other and then back again.

He barely heard Beckett shouting at him.

"Radek! Are ye listening to me? His temperature's skyrocketing; he's going to go into convulsions soon - we've got to get him out of there now." Beckett reached out to grab Radek and was stopped by Ford grabbing his wrists.

"No, Doc, he's the only thing between us and the hallucinations and believe me, you don't want to go there." Beckett pulled against the strong grip of the younger man for a few long seconds. Then, seeing the sense in what he said, Beckett sat back on his heels and turned to his unconscious friend lying on the floor.

Without shifting his attention from the datapads for a moment, Zelenka said, "Just give me some more minutes. I am trying to re-initialise the original interface programme which should allow Rodney to find Major Sheppard more easy. If this does not work, then we take him out…"

Ford swallowed. If they took out McKay then they were effectively giving up on Sheppard. He turned and stared at his oblivious commanding officer as he lay in the control chair.

* * *

McKay was back in the gate room on Atlantis. He could hear the storm raging outside. What the hell had happened? He'd located Sheppard and was preparing to extract him when suddenly all hell had broken loose. The sky had changed, Sheppard and his alien dream chick had disappeared and then, without any warning, he was back in Atlantis. He spun around examining his surroundings. "Shit, this is NOT happening, please tell me this is not happening," he tried to keep a handle on his panic as he desperately tried to access the programme.

He heard something, someone behind him.

"Dr McKay," growled a low gravely voice. A sense of dread swept over him as he turned slowly to see the figure that had haunted his nightmares slowly walk towards him.

"Oh no, this I don't believe," McKay backed away from the Genii commander hands held up in front of him in denial. When each arm was grabbed he nearly jumped out of his skin. He was dragged forward by the Genii soldiers to stand in front of Kolya.

"Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is not happening," gasped McKay as the Genii commander turned to him with a cruel smile.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kolya moving closer to McKay.

He could remember the answer he'd given…

"_My understanding -- I'm being held hostage."_

"This is not real, I refuse to believe this!" Rodney shouted.

"I mean here in Atlantis. Why did some of you stay behind?" continued the Genii.

McKay tried to step backwards. "I don't believe this!" yelled McKay, "This is NOT real, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS!" His voice cracked as he shouted. He struggled against the strong arms holding him. He heard the echo of his words.

_"Oh. I was helping with things" _

"Like what?" Kolya was invading his personal space.

"This is not real, I refuse to believe in you. GO AWAY!!" he shouted.

"_You know -- make sure everyone got out OK."  
_  
"Isn't that the work of someone ... less important?" Kolya was staring at him appraisingly.

"This is a programme. This is not real, don't you get it, you are not REAL!"

"_You'd think so, wouldn't you?_"

He knew what Kolya was going to say next; the words were engraved in his memory.

"You have a plan, don't you?"

He couldn't access the programme, something was shifting away from him, changing the access points. He stared at Kolya.

_"I've got lots of plans about lots of things."  
_

"I'm interested in the plan you have to save the city."

He struggled against the hands that held him, "This isn't how it happened, let me go."

"_I never said anything about saving anything."  
_

Kolya put his hand on McKay's shoulder and smiled as he said, "Not yet." He nodded to one of the soldiers who drew out a vicious looking knife.

McKay fought with all his strength knowing exactly what was coming next but it was useless. The soldiers holding him dragged him forward and bent him awkwardly over one of the consoles holding out his arm.

"NO! This is not real," his voice choked off into a sob as the knife was deliberately thrust into his arm and he began to scream.

* * *

Beckett had one hand placed on McKay's chest and the other was lightly pressed against the pulse point on his neck. "Christ, his pulse is racing. Breathing is becoming more and distressed. Radek, we don't have much time."

Zelenka was so focused on his work that he didn't even register Beckett's words.

McKay's trembling was becoming severe, he began to convulse.

"Christ, Teyla, help me, the last thing we need is one of these cables being torn out." Beckett and Teyla knelt either side of McKay and tried to keep enough slack in the cables connecting him to the chair.

Ford stared at McKay and then turned back to Sheppard. He made a command decision. The hardest one he'd ever had to. "Get him out of there," he ordered pointing at McKay.

"Stop!" shouted Zelenka, "I've got it."

* * *

The relentless push of the knife was gone and his scream died... Rodney fell forward as the hands restraining him disappeared. He knelt for a few moments cradling his arm and then examined it; there wasn't a single mark on it. He looked up, Kolya and the other Genii were gone. He was in the outpost, only this time it was good as new with no sign of damage. It took him a second to realise what had happened.

He scrambled to his feet and raced over to the control panels. "Zelenka, you are a genius, you found the interface. Now all I have to do is get to Sheppard before Agent Smith finds me again," he muttered as his hands flew over the controls.

* * *

Beckett looked up from McKay's now still form. "His breathing's back to normal. The convulsions have stopped. Looks like things are going better in there," he said hopefully. He looked at Teyla where she was sitting across from him and gave her a tight smile.

"What did you do, Zelenka?" asked Ford.

"I located and started backup programme – I think it should give Rodney space and time to work in the VR as was supposed to be before left running for 10 thousand years," replied the Czech tiredly. "But he still has only another hour before our power is gone." He didn't look up from his data pad and continued pre-empting the shifts in frequency, blocking the signals, keeping them safe, buying them time.

* * *

Sheppard heard voices from downstairs and sighed deeply. He pushed himself off the bed reluctantly and walked slowly over to the small sink in the corner of the room. He let the water run cold and splashed it over his face hoping to clear his mind a little. He looked up and stared into the little wooden-framed mirror above the sink, wondering what the hell had happened for him to end this messed up. Rested his hands on either side of the sink he looked at the water spiralling down the drain and then reached out to turn off the tap.

He looked up to the mirror again and when he did he saw the face of hallucination – McKay – standing behind him.

"Pleasedon'tsayanythingandjustshutupandlistentome," the Canadian blurted out.

Sheppard spun around again to look behind him but there was no-one in the room behind him – just in the mirror.

"And please don't do anything suspicious, either!" exclaimed McKay in an irritated voice. "Just carry on washing or primping your hair, or anything, and just listen to me, please. Nod, if you understand."

Sheppard glared at the mirror – even as a hallucination McKay was annoying as hell. Against his better judgement he nodded and then reached for his shaving kit that lay in a heap on one side of the sink.

"Look, we don't have much time. I'm assuming from your reaction earlier that you don't know where you are. Well, you're in a control chair on Planet Hellhole. You're in a virtual reality interface between the chair and the weapons system and I need you to help me get you out of it."

Sheppard stared back at him. He could almost accept this – it was better than madness. Then he realised he was speaking to a man in a mirror who wasn't there. "Why should I believe you? Why shouldn't I believe what my wife says? That you're a hallucination arising from PTSD," muttered Sheppard through the shaving foam.

The face in the mirror gaped at him. "Your, your what?" spluttered McKay at last. "How can you believe that? She's dead, Sheppard, you told us yourself. She's dead."

**_

* * *

_**

**_OK - only one more part and an epilogue to go. Hope you are enjoying this and if you have any feedback or comments all is welcome._**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for Lady Anne for the beta work. I am, however, a compulsive fiddler and any mistakes remaining are mine and mine alone. I also wanted to say a really big thank you to everyone who has left a review – this is greatly appreciated and I do try and get back to you all personally but as I said before, the bots hate me. I think I forgot their birthday or something…**

**Part 10**

Sheppard stared blankly at the man in the mirror.

"She's not dead," he stated flatly.

"Oh shit, don't tell me you believe this fairy tale do you?" asked McKay incredulously. "It's not real, damn it."

Sheppard was slowly shaking his head. How could what McKay said be true? Then he remembered his feeling that something about this place didn't ring true; the hallucination he'd had where he'd seen Amy, pale and sick, lying in a hospital bed. He looked up and met the eyes of the man in the mirror.

"She can't be dead," he said. It was almost a plea.

The undertone of pain in his team leader's voice temporarily silenced McKay. He stared aghast at his friend and colleague at a loss as to what to do. After a few minute he regained his voice and said bluntly, "Look, we don't have time for a freak out, Major. You have to remember where we are, what we're doing and focus on how to get the hell out of here."

"She's dead?" This time it was a question.

McKay could see the pain and devastation in Sheppard's face but he knew the man couldn't afford to break down, not now. If he was going to save the man's life McKay had to get him to remember, to fight, no matter how much it would hurt.

"Of course she's dead, you moron!" he yelled at him in frustration. Sheppard's eyes flashed with anger. "Now just snap out of it and focus on helping me save your ass!"

Sheppard considered McKay's words and after a few moments he asked him, "How?" The Major had a hard look in his eye.

Relieved, McKay started to explain rapidly what they needed to do, "Well, you need to get to the interface of the VR, it's like the control room…"

"That's not what I meant, McKay," interrupted Sheppard coldly.

"What?" spluttered McKay thrown off course.

"I meant how did she die?" The American's voice was low and dangerous.

There was silence in the room as McKay stared at Sheppard for a long moment looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights of car. His mouth opened and closed a few times. Then he took a deep breath and said quietly, "You told us she died of cancer."

"When?" demanded Sheppard holding his anger in check.

"It was six years ago, Sheppard. Your wife has been dead for over six years. She died of breast cancer. You have to believe me." McKay was begging now.

Sheppard considered the Canadian's words and searched his memories – looking for something that would give him a clue – was he mad or was this reality? And then, with sickening clarity, he remembered.

Grief wrenched at his gut and his knuckles turned white as he his hands tightened spasmodically on the sides of the sink as memory assaulted him.

_She was fighting for every breath, holding onto life. He knew she was fighting for him, to be with him. She struggled to speak but managed to say only his name. He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. They should have had years together, it shouldn't be ending like this.  
_

_He pulled himself together, gently shifted on the bed and lay down next to her. He laid one hand on her pitifully thin shoulder and with the other gently traced the contours of her face. He leant forward and buried his face in the silk scarf she'd asked him to wrap around her head to disguise the damage inflicted by the chemotherapy on her beautiful, beautiful hair. He held her like that for a moment that seemed like an eternity. He blinked away the tears in his eyes and, around a lump in his throat so large it threatened to stifle him, he said, "Honey, shh, it's OK. Just sleep now, you don't have to fight anymore. I'm here, I understand. I'm holding you." He gave her a gentle squeeze, nothing too hard or else it would have caused her pain.  
_

_He felt her relax and saw her brow clear. Slowly her breathing became less laboured and after a few minutes, in a voice that was the merest of whispers, she said, "I'm sorry, Shep." Then she smiled and slipped into sleep. Fifteen minutes later she died.  
_

_Afterwards, he thought it was as if he had given her permission to die.  
_

McKay could see the stream of Sheppard's emotions; denial, anger, grief, loss, despair. He watched, horrified, as the laconic Major's face twisted with pain and tears sprang to his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Major," McKay said weakly.

Sheppard dropped his head forward and stared down into the sink. He forced himself to breath slowly and deeply against the unbearable pressure that was building inside him.

"No," he said through gritted teeth. "I don't believe it." But it was more denial than a true questioning of the truth. "She can't be dead, I WON'T believe it. I don't want to believe it." Tears were clouding his vision and he shook his head violently. He wanted to howl with grief, to rage against the world that had done this.

McKay watched impotently at Sheppard's shaking shoulders stunned at the loss of control he was witnessing. McKay had to snap him out of it - there was no other way out of this VR than to get the Major to switch it off from the Chair itself; something he wouldn't be incapable of if he was a grief stricken wreck.

"Snap out of it Major. She's dead, gone and you're here with us in the most crazy mixed up galaxy there has ever been. You remember the expedition don't you? You remember me? You remember what Elizabeth said when we left? That this expedition might be a one-way trip? Remember that?"

Sheppard had tears running freely down his face. He couldn't speak and so he nodded.

"Oh Christ," murmured McKay to himself as he realised that the Major was crying. "Sheppard, just pull yourself together – we can't let the programme find us!" McKay snapped and then nodded in approval as the shaking lessened and Sheppard seemed to get himself more or less under control. He continued to talk – throwing memories at Sheppard, demanding responses, trying to pull him out of his grief. He could see from Sheppard's reactions that he was getting through to him but he needed to be sure so, as the coup de grace, he demanded, "And do you think for one second, that if your wife was still alive you would have EVER signed up for this crazy goddamned expedition in the first place?"

Sheppard mutely shook his head but that wasn't enough for McKay who relentlessly pushed more and more. "For Christ's sake, Sheppard, don't you remember why you were in Antarctica?" demanded McKay. "You disobeyed orders to go on a half baked rescue mission that you thought would kill you!"

_Sheppard stared dispassionately ahead, barely seeing the court martial. He felt a peculiar detachment, a dislocation from reality.  
_

"_Major Sheppard, the Court finds that your actions were reckless. You were acting in full knowledge that you were outside of the chain of command. Furthermore we find that your actions could have cost you your life or provided enemy forces with a valuable hostage, valuable equipment and valuable intelligence."  
_

_Sheppard stared into the middle distance and let his mind wander barely registering the drone of the sentencing judge.  
_

"_I would like to inform you that in considering your sentence we have taken into account your service record which has been, up to now, exemplary." The Judge paused and gave Sheppard a long apprising look before he continued. "We are also taking into account your commanding officer's plea for leniency which he entered on your behalf. He has suggested that your actions can in part be attributed to your recent loss."  
_

_Sheppard flinched at that. He couldn't stand it if they mentioned her name. He didn't think he'd be able to maintain the unemotional façade if they did.  
_

"_So, taking everything into account we have decided against a dishonourable discharge. You will be assigned to McMurdo Base Antarctica indefinitely. Dismissed."  
_

_He'd given the requisite salute and turned smartly on his heel.  
_

McKay's voice dragged him back to the present.

"Don't you remember? You told us all about her. You told us that in the year before she died you took all the leave you could and you guys went everywhere- Paris, London, Rome, Tokyo. That was why you liked Antarctica even though you were exiled there – you'd never been there together so there was nothing to remind you of her." McKay could see the distress his words were causing but he pushed on – he had to convince the Major that this was true and get him to fight his way out of the VR. "Come on, Major, look at me. You can't just stand there, you've got to do something."

Eventually, without looking up, Sheppard asked him, "So, none of this is real?"

"No, none of it. I'm telling you, it's a smart programme but it is completely screwed up. It's a defence system that the Ancients were working on – something like using the Wraith's own weapons against them. It's been running for thousands of years. It seems to pull things from your memories and build scenarios around it. It even managed to drag up Kolya a moment ago. You're in the chair that controls the system – it has full access to your memories and that's where all of this has come from."

That explained why it had chosen Amy then – she'd been at the forefront of his mind as they'd started to get ready to leave Planet Hellhole. He'd promised himself that he would be back for their anniversary dinner – a ritual he'd performed every year since she'd died and this one would have been their tenth anniversary. No matter where he was it was always the same. He'd get some food and head off away from the crowds to spend the evening with her. He'd planned to take a tray from the mess, head out to one of the piers and sit with his memories watching the sun go down. He scrubbed the unshed tears from his eyes.

"How long have I been here?" he asked in a low voice.

"About 36 hours," replied McKay.

He thought back to this morning; waking up next to Amy, her good natured jibes, their tender lovemaking in the night and his deep seated feeling that something was desperately wrong. He felt violated; his memories of his wife had been violated. Rage built up inside him. He was trembling with the effort of controlling his anger and his breaths were coming in long shuddering gasps.

Seeing this, McKay began to panic. "Listen, don't lose it for God's sake. We need you to turn this damn programme off."

McKay's voice penetrated the red mist in Sheppard's mind. With a visible effort he got himself under control and looked up. McKay almost recoiled from the blank killing face that met his anxious gaze.

"Why is it doing this?" demanded Sheppard indicating the room behind him with a sharp jerk of his head.

Relief flooded through McKay and he replied, "It's not doing anything on purpose, Major. As I said, it's a programme that has been left running for 10 thousand years. It's random and totally screwed – it's kinda firing on automatic and we need to shut it off. Now are you gonna help me get us out of this? I can't do this alone and we need you."

"What do you mean 'we', McKay? Who the hell else have you got into this mess?" demanded Sheppard.

McKay was still savouring the relief that the Major seemed to believe him so it took him a few moments to pick up the accusation. "Hey wait a minute, this was not my fault!" he retorted angrily.

"Just answer the question, McKay," ordered Sheppard.

McKay scowled deeply at his accuser and then answered, "Well there is you and me, obviously, and then there's Teyla and Ford. I brought Radek too and, once we'd figured out what the hell was going on, he helped me get in so I could turn the programme off but I can't, I've tried. Oh and Carson's here too. He came along to keep an eye on me."

"Why? You need a baby sitter now, McKay?" drawled Sheppard, sounding as if he was nearly back to his old self.

Giving him a dirty look McKay replied, "That's not important."

"Look, McKay, just tell me why Carson is here to keep an eye on you," interrupted Sheppard in a threatening tone. Then he added, "And I ain't budging from here until you tell me."

McKay's scowl deepened further. "Look, it's just a concussion OK? I hit my head and the deal I made with Elizabeth was that I could come back here with a team, find you, turn off the programme if I promised to go back with one of the marines and Carson so he could tuck me back into bed in that prison he calls an infirmary as soon as I was done. The situation changed when we found you sitting in the damn chair! And why the hell did you do that? I told you not to!" McKay's last few words were delivered in a shouted whisper.

Sheppard ignored his question although he noted that McKay was sick. He focused on the facts. "You have marines with you?"

"We brought some marines, but they are not going to be any use in here. It's you and me, that's all we've got." McKay hesitated for a moment and added awkwardly, "Oh, and, er, we had to shoot one because the hallucinations got him."

"You shot one of my men?" asked Sheppard incredulously.

"No!" denied McKay vigorously. "It wasn't me, it was Ford and anyway, he's not dead – it was with a tranquiliser dart. And will you remember to stop acting suspiciously? We don't want the damn programme to find us," he added struggling to regain the high ground in the argument.

Sheppard acknowledged McKay's admonishment with a tilt of his head. He picked up his shaving kit from where he had dropped it continued to shave. After a few moments he asked in a low voice, "So, McKay, what do I have to do to get us out?"

* * *

**_Um, I know I said this last time but this time I mean it - only one more part and an epilogue to go. Hope you are enjoying this and if you have any feedback or comments I would really appreciate it if you could pass them on. I will try and reply (if the bots let me) and will at the very least think warm thoughts about you._**


	11. Chapter 11

**So, it's finally finished. I can't believe it. Apologies for the long delay in updating – RL gets in the way.**

**Huge thanks for Lady Anne for the beta work. I am, as I have said before, a compulsive fiddler and any mistakes remaining are mine and mine alone. **

**I also wanted to say a really big thank you to everyone who has left ****(and who will leave) a review – your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**Part 1****1**

Radek didn't like to go off world.

There were too many opportunities to get into trouble, too many chances that things could go wrong, too many occasions that stretched his stamina, his nerve and his capabilities to the very limits. Too many situations like this one.

Even with his attention focused on the two data pads in front of him he was acutely aware of everyone else in the room. There was only a few minutes worth of battery left, after that he had nothing to power the signal that was stopping the programme taking its grip on them.

As he focussed on the algorithms and frequency modulations that were keeping him one step ahead of that which was hunting them, a part of his mind speculated detachedly what would happen when the power ran out. Would there be a gradual decrease in signal strength with the hallucinations picking them off one by one as the safe area shrank? Or would there be a total failure with all of them succumbing at once? He gave a little mental shrug and carried on with his work. If McKay didn't find Sheppard and switch this damn programme off he was going to find out soon, very, very soon.

Ford was standing still and straight, almost at parade stance as he scanned the perimeter. He knew that according to the rules the decision he'd made to stay was the wrong one but he knew in his soul it had been right. "We don't leave our people behind," he muttered to himself fiercely. He tried not to think about what was coming next if McKay wasn't successful, he didn't like to leave his life in the hands of others but this was beyond his ken and his control and all he could do was wait. He threw a quick glance over to Teyla and saw the slight furrow in her brow as she stood and watched. He caught her eye briefly, gave her a nod and went back to scouring the perimeter.

Teyla was wondering to herself whether this was the end. She tried not to think of the fierce pain of the hallucination that had gripped her when they first came to the planet. She tried to tell herself that she was not afraid of pain or death and almost succeeded. She just thought it would be unfair for it to end like this. She'd always thought that she would die at the hands of the Wraith fighting rather than at the hands of a malfunctioning Ancient weapon. She'd never really thought of the Ancients as fighters, just as creators, as mythological figures – the bringers of life. Now she knew better. She knew that they had been people like her and like her companions around her. She turned her head slightly and looked again at the tense profile of Ford. She couldn't imagine what he was looking for. If he saw something it would most likely be a hallucination. They were bunched so closely now that she could feel the warmth of Carson Beckett behind her where he knelt on the floor alternating his attention between McKay lying in the dust and the sprawled figure of Sheppard on the control chair.

Carson Beckett had never felt more helpless in his life. He sat on the floor and watched his friends. He didn't know if they were fighting the programme, if they had managed to shut it down, or even if they were suffering in there. And there was nothing he could do to help and so he waited.

"Something's happening!" exclaimed Radek. He threw a look over his shoulder just as McKay sat up.

The Canadian had an expression of offended astonishment on his face as he gasped, "He threw me out. I can't believe it! He actually threw me out. I, I, I, I found him, told him what to do and he threw me out!" Then he sank back down to the floor clutching his head.

--------------------------

Sheppard knew what to do.

"_Look, you're in the control chair, you can run this programme, just like the one at Antarctica, it's slightly different and the programme is warped as hell from running for so long but the basic principles are the same. You just need to visualise the control programme, find the main data console and shut it down, module by module. Do you think you can do that?"_

Sheppard had nodded.

He was walking along the beach looking for a way out.

"_Look, you'll have to manipulate the programme. Create the interface that you need."_

He was straining to visualise the control chamber in Atlantis and the chair in Antarctica. All he had to do was to create a firm enough image in his mind and he'd be able to call it up. His mind was distracted – he could feel Amy as she walked along besides him. She was prattling on, asking him questions, pointing out the various items of interest as they progressed along the beach. The voice he heard was the lilting voice of his wife, not a programme and it was so hard not to react, to ignore her, to ignore _it_.

He couldn't do this, not with her so close so he turned to her and, putting his hands on her shoulders he said, "Hon, I'm just going for a run now, I'll be back in a half hour, OK?"

"OK, just don't be too long," she replied giving him a lazy smile. He gave her cheek one last caress, tucked a wayward lock of hair behind her ear and leant forward to kiss her. Then, although every muscle was screaming for him to stay, he turned away from her and ran up the beach to the dunes.

He ran and ran through the soft sand until out of breath he stopped and looked back at the tiny figure of Amy alone on the beach. She was walking through the surf, the waves tugging at her legs, the wind blowing her hair into disarray. She waved to him and then bent down to pick something out of the surf.

He stood in the dunes watching her from a distance. He stared at her for a long moment and then closed his eyes, the image of his dead wife crouched down at the edge of the waves imprinted on his mind. She was like a sea-nymph, like Calypso, calling to him, guiding him home. He waited until he was breathing steadily and the image became less distinct, more distant and eventually became a memory.

When he opened his eyes, he was in the control room.

"Well, what do you know, Rodney was right," he said to himself and walked over to the Chair. He stood staring at it for a few moments and then he sat.

"_Think of the main console, it might be different from that of the Atlantis control chair but there will be similarities. Go to the main controls and switch this damn thing off."_

The display appeared above him and he started to work, identifying each module in sequence and then shutting it down. As he worked he could hear the echoes of the VR around him, could smell the salt in the air but he carried on. The display above him was growing dimmer with just a few more modules to go. He could scarcely believe that it had all been just a programme, a twisted, corrupted programme; it had been such cruelty and yet such joy. The temptation to fall back, to let the programme run again almost overwhelmed him as he remembered reliving what he had lost forever in St Anthony's Hospice, Missouri.

He paused for a moment with eyes closed, tears running down his face finally accepting his loss. Then he looked up and, without a tremor in his voice he spoke.

"End programme."


End file.
